PageWize

Change of Heart

2008-10-07T10:55:00.000-07:00

After a nice, slightly crazy, weekend in vegas, I find that my school starts too early in the morning. I wonder if I could do evening classes... and still feel like I'm doing my part in society.

My 'friend' from texas is visiting san diego. Guh. It would be alright, because you know I can't be a shut in all my life, I should be doing something outside of school and home-stuff. What the problem is that he seems to have a huge freaking crush on me. Yesterday he was telling me that he felt like I was the only girl he had ever connected with... just because I agreed that the movie "choke" was a retched, horrible movie. Opinions on movies is totally worth basing your soul mate on! Guh... then he kissed my forehead. No bueno. I wanted to barf.

Now I'm eating lovely leftover greek food and watching Dave the Barbarian. Eventually I have to go get my I.D. back from my friend's house.

Tripping Parole

2008-06-20T14:51:00.000-07:00

With gas prices what they are, I find that sitting at home rather than wasting the money, I can have a semi-fulfilling life. Of course I could always get the guys who have crushes on me to saddle up and take me somewhere, where they could pay for me, but that has more drawbacks than $70 a tank + being lame at home = combined. I decided it was time to stop using *the crutch man* when he told me he'd cut himself if he didn't find someone to cuddle with soon. eek!

Soul Applications

2008-06-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

Communication Style
Paige Law, you are an attentive and perceptive listener. You tend to be sensitive to other people's feelings. When speaking, you avoid conflict by choosing your words carefully. You are especially skillful at maintaining harmony. Your style of persuasion is diplomatic and tactful.

Also, Paige Law, you use a diplomatic tone in order to work peacefully with people. You do not intimidate others and, in turn, you do not appreciate verbal intimidation.

Your style of communication is easy-going and indirect. You express yourself in a calm, caring, and consistent manner.

Paige Law, you feel that cooperation and teamwork are very important, and you set clear time frames to complete projects. You plan actions carefully, allow for time considerations, and maintain harmonious relations with colleagues.

You function best when reporting to a strong leader. You are good at prioritizing work, establishing routines, and getting things done on time.

***

Wow. That's one in-depth job application. They wanted to know everything about me except my shoe size, and then they told me who I was. Weird. You hear me 24 hour fitness? Weird!

Have a crazy video.

Newenimproved!

2008-06-17T22:28:00.000-07:00

You're looking at an employee of today.com! Not that I really know what that means yet, but it sounds impressive.

All I know so far is that if I write a 100+ word blog, I get a dollar. I can write as many as I want to in a day, but I'll only get paid for the first. It's not an ordinary blog, though. It's one of those advice blogs, that makes me seem important and knowledgable. psh! lol So I thought to myself when I applied "what's something that I'm so good at that people would have no choice just to worship me for trying to help them with it?" Eh, I couldn't think of anything. My fallback was writing, and so I just wrote my first post on what my writing-advice-blog will cover in the future. Fun fun!

I'm not worried about getting traffic, because I get paid whether I have traffic or not. Maybe in the future I'll get better at writing blogs to attract audiences so I could get paid more than a dollar a day... but that's the future... right now i want to get paid to have fun.

Red Album

2008-06-06T19:18:00.000-07:00

I taste- brownie batter! er... I mean- freedom! which happens to taste a lot like the remnants of brownie batter that I sucked off the bottom of a mixing bowl just now. Yes, I also smell cooking brownies/freedom as well :)

Yeah, I figured that last week's ordeal was just to ridiculous and meant something more severe than I wanted to believe. So last night, after seeing a movie with B (what happens in VEGAS. it was cute but a little cheesy) I dropped him off at his house and he kissed me on the cheek a little then proceeded to smile at me and pet my hair... yeah, no. The night had been weird anyway, that was just the final straw. But I wimped. I didn't think to break it off till I got home and by that time he wasnt answering his phone. So I did the only sensible thing: I texted him. Now I guess he knows we're broken up, he should because the text went through. Even though he hasn't replied yet, I feel so FREE! Almost immediately after texting him I was like "woo! I feel so light now!"

After waking up this morning to the new freedom I went on OkCupid to re-take my dating persona quiz, just because I felt like such a diff person. Not only was the quiz results re-vamped since I last took it, I also answered questions differently, which made my over all score out to be: peach. Something about being sweet, I don't remember. Whatever it was, it was much better than Wild Rose, which basically just called me a picky bitch.

In other news, the car accident last week didn't hurt my neck, but my neck is pained anyway. Weird huh? Yeah, so it's not very exciting but I'm going to start physical therapy soon to hopefully fix it. Yup... the exciting life I live...

Amputee

2008-06-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

The rental car is a Chrysler! Oh OH! After only getting it off the lot, I already felt in-tune to the automobile. It's my baby already, even though I don't think it gets as good gas mileage as my volvo does. Is there a chance that my old baby has something over my new baby? Something as vital and surprising as gas mileage? dOOOOd!

Last night I didn't sleep a wink. Not a wink. There may have been a wink, ok I admit I'm sure drifting in and out of sleep was done over the span of an hour or so, but I swear even during that I was aware of my body in bed and miserably not asleep. All I could think about is what really bugs me about B possibly being with another girl at the Cove. Automatically two things: One, since we're not a 'couple' technically he's not cheating. Two, he doesn't take me to the effing Cove, much less put his arm around me in the places we do go. Actually those simple, sudden reactions really sum up my 'pissed offedness' just fine.

So at midnight I throw my pillow off of my head, where I had been attempting to smother myself into slumber, and gave up on wallowing in doubt. The next route was to text B about it- which serves two purposes: I don't wake him up when he has work in a few short hours, and two: I can lay down my crazies in direct but less confrontatious manner. Even though it was supposed to help me sleep, it failed to calm my mind. My only peace last night was that B would wake up in the morning, see my texts, and contact me at some point in the day to respond in some way. That was a twenty hour open window for him to say something to me: the girl he's supposed to love, feeling hurt and confused, saying she needs time to think things out. I honestly don't think he was 'giving me my space.' More like avoiding the topic. Another hit of honesty, the vibe I get from this situation and the shit storm of yester night, is that he's way absorbed in his magnets and is kind of glad that I'm mad at him because it means his ploys to push me away have worked. Damn.

He has a week from yesterday to contact me, and redeem the situation. It's not about him being at the beach with a girl, it's how he's handling this situation. There's a very slim chance that he'll make the cut. By next sunday, if I'm not convinced that he hasn't been consciously or subconsciously trying to push me away, then he's gone. It'll take a lot on his part and I know he doesn't really have it in him to work at placating situations. It's all on him. I wonder if I should tell him that. Will the deadline pressure help or hurt his chances? I say that I just tell him that I don't believe he really wants me anymore, and that if he can't prove that he does, then why the hell would I stick around? Sounds reasonable to me.

I kinda like the way I ramble when I've taken half a sleeping pill! I can't let this go to waste! MUST .... WRITE.... BEFORE I PASS OUT!

you N me

2008-06-01T23:08:00.000-07:00

Last wednesday or thursday I got rear ended by a red neck in a shiny sporty toyota. Thank goodness he had insurance and now alls I have to do is put my car in a specified shop at a specified time and drive home in a shnooty-booty rental car. wOOtrz! As easily as the situation could have been horrific, someones got to be looking out for me to make it this carefree.

I'll tell ya what's not carefree though: feeling unloved. On friday someone asked B if we were a couple, and he looked at them flat out and said "No." With me sitting right there, gaping at him like a dying fish. Well skippy-do-da. He's practically run-off of the paige highway. Not just because of that, but it is the big tipping point. Bastard.

When I was wallowing in the aforementioned crap-fest today, I got to writing, and decided that there's too much information for ATHENIAS to keep it at one book- so we're going with three. A trilogy. A frikken epic. Doin it for the lolz? Not so much, but it will be a bundle of lolz I'm sure. Once I can make myself sit down and get it written. The problem is the internetz. Too distracting. It would be nice not to have it on this computer so that I can get some work done.

Just What They Need

2008-05-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

In my new book ATHENIAS, there are zombie women that work to guard the queen of the underworld. Actually... they're not zombies because they never were human, they just have a very dead-person look to them... Like a zombie would! yay!

:) anyway I wanted to draw them out in my head, so that I could have a specific description. I went through mom's medical books, and got a good idea what anorexic bodies look like, (sad and lonely), but I wanted a really creepy face. One that wasn't only sad and lonely, but also nightmare-quality. It's not that the zombie women are evil, they are nothing more than puppet creatures for the queen, but they look really creepy to scare the snot out of anyone in the underworld.

Then I went online and typed in anorexia. Those poor girls. It scares me to think that little girls that are so happy and carefree can grow up to hate themselves. I found the image, it was from a Prada model who has the freakiest facial structure ever (she wasn't necessarily anorexic, but the real anorexic girls with the skin hanging off their bones had surprisingly normal faces. It must help them hide their disorder)

(melodrama is my friend)

euroLUXE

2008-05-17T14:51:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've updated. Hmmm, what's new with me?

BBQ last night at L's house. L and I are too alike. I told B that I have a 'man crush' on L and he looked at me funny, but I'm serious! L is a writer, a model, likes crazy art/paintings/tattoos, watches weird movies, and loves things like Salad Fingers. Anyone who has seen and loves Salad Fingers deserves a man crush, whether you're a man or not.

Then B was like, "Yeah you two are clones. But you shouldn't say 'man crush', ur a chick. U should say 'chick crush'." So there you have it. I have a chick crush on L. We've bonded on a molecular level.

Then again, I had just asked B ten minutes before that (because he came to the BBQ too where he met L) what he thought of her, and he was kinda silent, meaning he either couldn't decide or didn't want to tell me. So when he said that L and I are a lot a like, I was like "WAiT! You don't even like L! You're saying I'm the same as someone you don't really like?!?"

LOLRZ I get too defensive sometimes. B explained that he never said he didn't like her, it's just that she'd WEIRD. I already knew that he thinks I'm weird, so I suppose he doesn't nec. mean it as either a compliment or a put-down... it just "is"

Success to Come

2008-05-11T16:36:00.000-07:00

Watched The Fly II with B and his friend this afternoon. It didn't even have Jeffy G! I'm over it... Just like I'm most likely over B...

Why?

Because for the next two weeks, I want space, time to think, and perhaps some time to make money and pass my classes. Otherwise I'd just end up at B's house saying 'to hell with it all, who needs to do things that need to get done for the purpose of living'

Happy Mothers Day, I GUESS. If I MUST. Actually I didn't get anything for my mom. One- I'm negative monees. Two- I am lazy. Three- I blew my one chance to make it look like I planned something. See, some kind random stalker person left orchids on our front doorstep in a fancy vase. I brought it in to the house, and left it out on the counter willy nilly like- is it from me? Is it from aliens? You don't know! But I had to tell her in case that anonymous stalker person ever came to my mom asking for their vase back. She would know it wasn't from me. Now I look like a bastard child because I didn't even spend mother's day with my mom. I just got home twenty minutes ago and she's off at the cove. Poor mother. . .

NOTE: less 'funny'

2008-05-07T01:21:00.000-07:00

The more I have to do with birth control, the more cruder I'm getting. I used to have this barrier about talking, and I couldn't do a lot of it when it came to medical/biological things- mostly to do with female anatomy. Now I get the feeling like I am too comfortable and talking too much. How am I supposed to know where to draw the line? I'm almost of the opinion not to draw a line, except when it goes WAY to far, and depending on the company.

My computer's a little pissy lately. I have to triple click links to get them to come up. So I am reading blogs, I am just lacking the ability to comment! Sorry, I hope to figure out my baby's (mac's) problem soon!

Later I would like to try out some character names on here. That is, when I can get the links on my favorite name website to work.

Grand Tourismo

2008-04-28T15:20:00.000-07:00

*this is where your sanity kicks in*

You'd think that in a year I would learn that *male friend- nicknamed Noel* is not someone to casually hang out with. He has been dropping hints lately about how he and his girlfriend are having problems, AND how he's finally convinced her to open their relationship. Heh. Noel came right out the other day and told me he wanted and open relationship because he thinks i'm sexy. Last night he kept trying to bring up the time he tried to kiss me and I pushed him away. Mostly I just smile awkwardly and say 'no' in a way that doesn't sever him, but yesterday it got to the point that I wanted to throw up, so I said "Look I will never do that with you because I respect *Noel's girlfriend-nicknamed Penny* too much."

Now I wish I had phrased it differently. Noel could break up with Penny and come back expecting me to start fooling around with him. If I just said "No-NEVER" maybe he would get the point. He's not my best buddy, but he's one of my only buddies esp. because he lives so close to me. With gas prices the way the are... lol

What I really want to tell him is that I have Herpes or something that would make me undesirable. Maybe I'm really a dude, or that the aliens are coming to get me in six months.

Techie Fluff

2008-04-25T08:13:00.000-07:00

So I've learned how to do a voice post... on livejournal. I don't think it'll work on blogger :( which makes me sad because I'm completely addicted to voice posts. Yesterday when I had some free time I whipped out my cell phone and blogged up a live journal storm! There's something zen about being able to speak your thoughts rather than type them. I even did a private post all about my new book.

I blogged about that on Wednesday: the new book. It's the one about the chick who used to be a goddess but is now a mortal and her ex-lover god wants to make her immortal again. But! Besides the fact that she doesn't want to be a goddess anymore, she also has a fellow mortal husband whom she is very much in love with. Yay! Choices choices, huh? Either the heartless immortal hunk of a god with infinite power and the prospect of no more death and disease- or a lovable mortal man who's impulsive, stubborn, scraggly, adores her, but frequently needs his tooshie saved. I think I'd go with the mortal. There's something about the concept of limited time that makes love sweeter. (hmmm... twilight much? but in my story the immortal is the bad guy)

B is taking me to the symphony tomorrow. Good sides: I get to dress up and act the part of La Jollian. Bad sides: he's doing this to make up for the fact that he's going to LA next weekend for a fancy starlette party that he can't take me to (21 and up). :( boo. it makes me sad. I think I'd rather spend a weekend in LA than a night at San Diego Symphony. PLUS that's the weekend that my parents will also be out of town! What better time than when I'm having a party to celebrate free reign weekend (w/out rent) for my B to be gone.

With blue pants and a pure heart

2008-04-23T14:53:00.000-07:00

I've been geeking out all afternoon. Here are the results of it:

There was also much playing done with the professor bros

What did I do yesterday afternoon? Geek out you say? Close! I wrote a 10 page story within a few a hours! wOOt! It was about a chick who used to be a god and now as a mortal works to keep the gods antics in check. But her old homie wants her back... what will she do? Will anyone be safe anymore? When will I stop writing about love triangles?! All this and more... lata

Yeah. Here's hoping that I can do my next post over the phone. You'll see what I mean if I can ever figure it out...

Search the World

2008-04-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

Tonight in my writing class I have a short story due that i haven't written yet. woo! It's no biggie, I could go turn in a story I wrote last year, or finish the one I started last night. I don't really have much to worry about there, I'm just not 'feeling' it.

You know those days... yeah

Oh man, I just ate the best English muffin in the world. I must commit this brand to memory *orowheat extra crisp* Done! :P

So in my drama class me and this girl are partnered up to do a scene that our teacher picked out for us. It's Rosie (my character) trying to convince Christine (her character) to go skinny dipping in the lake. LOL what does our teacher think of us? At least none of my lines consist of "and I'll watch the water drip off of your back..." But who knows what the sub context is. I suppose I'll have to figure it out before I write my 'scene defibrillator'

Me and B are cool. Nothing crazy happened. I personally think that my last post and subsequent talk with B were spawned from my first month of being on birth control. But I do have a funny story about my hormones making an ass out of me:

B's phone was cut off last week because he hadn't paid it off yet. For a few days it was really hard to get a hold of him, and he was texting me/calling me from a new number that I assumed was like a friends phone he had borrowed. So friday comes along and I text him on that phone number asking "do you want to do something tonight? I wont be able to make it to the party tomorrow."

The response I got back was "Can't. Have plans."

Of course I get on the war path. "you can't even say it nicely? you can't even make time for me one night of your weekend? i'm allways making time for you and trying to do things. once and a while i'd like to know that you want to spend time with me too!" something like that put into text-talk (with 2 instead of 'to' etc)

Then B calls me from his regular phone number and asks me why i'm yelling at his supervisor for not spending enough time with me :) LOL I laughed so hard that my sides hurt.

Express Yoself

2008-04-11T23:36:00.000-07:00

What was your first job?:
babysitting? thats boring. my first real job was sales associate at bed bath &beyond. I covered the beyond section

Did that pay good?:
7 dollars an hour. That was good for Texas in 2004 when the minimum wage was 5.50 an hour

How many people were in your high school graduating class?:
a lot. I never was much good at counting. or remembering.

How big is the city you went to high school in?:
Houston Tx?? large enough to have provided those lost in concentration camps with extra replacements galore

Did anyone call you by your last name?:
a hint of a memory is flashing in the back of my eyelids, but i think it was a prof who didn't want to bother with first names. otherwise my last name is only used in jokes

Did you go to prom?:
with my brother. lol

Do you think some guys look good in cowboy boots?:
I do actually. Only if they can pull it off without looking gay or white trash

Ever go on a diet?:
im currently cheating on my slim fast diet

If yes, were you very successful?:
yes. cheating comes easy for me.

What do you think about men wearing eyeliner?:
some guys look hot. unfortunately mr B does not. the proof is in his halloween picture on his myspace. he was capn jack

What do you think about men and mustaches?:
freddy mercury! add a goatee though and you've got urself a deal

If you're a girl, do you think men are sexy in thongs?:
only because the fact that they're wearing them means that they're A) comfortable with their sexuality or B) really into you and think you're worth them slipping into a thong once and a while

Ever had someone of the opposite sex wear your clothes?:
B jokingly tried on my shirt once and almost ripped it

Do you like cake? What kind?:
it would be ungodly for someone to say 'no' to this question. 'cake? no, i'm not into awesome, thank you."

Did you get a class ring in high school?:
my friend won a buffy the vampire slayer 'class ring' and gave it to me. thats' my proof that I went to sunnydale high.

What were your school colors?
Green and gold

What was your school sport's team name?:
the golden eagles. i wanted to go with the 'fighting accountants' but was overruled

Do you like tuna?:
god no

How about tuna helper?:
if i detest tuna, i dont have much hope for this 'tuna helper'

Do you like Hamburger Helper?:
its ok. the beef stroganoff is good

Do you like that fake processed cheese stuff?:
only if its extra yellow!

How about cheese from a can?:
i would bathe in it but never eat it

What do you plan on doing after this?:
I wanted to be drawing this evening but SOMEONE (on aim) told me he'd make it worth my while if i got on. worth my while? no

What's your plans for the weekend?:
lots and lots of hours put into express

---------

1. 15 Have Yous:
2. Have you ever hitchhiked? unsuccessfully. i looked too dangerous at 12 apparently.
3. Have you ever been so scared you peed your pants? nope cant say that i have
4. Have you ever screamed so loud that you lost your voice? ah the concert/dance hall days. good times
5. Have you ever mistaken a stranger for someone else? too many times! i've acted on them too and felt like a douche
6. Have you ever been inside of a tree house? i think so... god i swear sometimes that i wasn't present during my childhood
7. Have you ever broken into a house? my own. or helping friends break into theirs.
8. Have you ever lost your temper and done something you regret? when i get mad and yell at someone, i usually apologize BEFORE i finish yelling at them. no regrets.
9. Have you ever been so upset you thought you would die? yes! and then the times where i knew i wouldn't die and found that unfortunate
10. Have you ever been in a wreck? a few, no injuries yet
11. Have you ever had a miscarriage? Not yet! there's still time
12. Have you ever been trick-or-treating? yesh. but i remember that i liked dressing up more than getting candy
13. Have you ever lost something really valuable, and never found it? yes :( sentimentally valuable
14. Have you ever been in a movie? home movies. dang
15. Have you ever met someone from the internet? Twice. both were on facebook at SHSU and both were horrible blind dates
16. Have you ever been drunk and passed out? no i dont like getting TOO drunk

10 Would Yous
18. Would you kiss an old man for 300 dollars? hells yeah. tongue for 500 extra
19. Would you go to Las Vegas to get married? YES. i'd rather do that over a traditional wedding. but i would much rather get married at the ren fest than go to las vegas
20. Would you give a complete stranger 20 dollars? they'd have to deserve it pretty badly
21. Would you ever drive from one side of the US to the other? hells yeah! that would take out another on my list
22. Would you ever be a stripper? the money's great i hear. so yes. but i would NOT be the 'touched' kind. no touchee allowed.
23. Would you ever write a song for someone and sing it in public? my brothers and i did that for my dad's wedding
24. Would you eat something you are allergic to, just to see what would happen? yeah THATS real smart
25. Would you sit in a tub of ice cold water for 10 minutes? maybe 3 minutes
26. Would you do whatever you could just to hurt someone you hate? the only 'harm' i wish upon anyone that i hate is for me to never see them again
27. Would you suffer for one week if it meant you could live forever? Hmm. if I could still have children, and choose one person to also live forever.

10 If Yous
29. If you gained 10 pounds, would you be fat or skinny? fat-ish.
30. If you dyed your hair blue, would you have to face any certain consequences? B would break up with me in a sec. he's kind of superficial that way
31. If you were in a movie, what part would you probably play? I could play an angsty anti hero or the quirky best friend
32. If you were one of the Seven Deadly Sins, which one would you probably be? If i were to burn for one of the sins it would be lust. i've been thinking about sex non-stop since I was like... 8. mormons have a real problem with being addicted to the things they were forbidden from, as do most religions
33. If your current boyfriend/girlfriend were rich, would they spoil you? yes. with clothes, movies, and food. maybe shoes.
34. If you were moving to another state, which one would you probably move to? meh. hawaii would be nice
35. If you were doing something else right now, what would it be? drawing or writing or maybe sleeping. i'd want to be at B's house but... there's complications tonight. One) its blood week--yay! Two) he's prob passed out on a friends couch. friday is his beer day.
36. If you were outside right now, would you be cold or hot? i think cold, but i could be wrong. my house was built to block out the sun which is stupid because i live in la jolla and there's hardly enough sun to get a sun tan with, so i'm allways wearing slippers and jackets inside
37. If you had 5 dollars in your pocket, and that was all you had, what would you spend it on? five dollar foot long at subway. or to rent a movie.
38. If you were on a talk show, which would you be on? i think tyra would be fun. that bitch b crzy.

10 Do Yous
40. Do you have anything that would kill you if you ate it? arsenic and kryptonite muffins
41. Do you want to be rich and famous? i'll take it, sure
42. Do you have any diseases? no i dont hink so. but it is entirely possible...
43. Do you like someone that you can't have? sometimes i feel like i cant have him until we're together, then everything ok again. actually i feel like i shouldn't want him but thats another story.
44. Do you like someone that you do have? yes. internal conflict!
45. Do you wish you looked like someone else? no
46. Do you have a significant other? yes??? damn this idealistic way of dealing in love!
47. Do you have something you needed to do today but didn't? yeah kinda. i feel a little torn right now because i'm talking to my old buddy from texas... the guy i first loved... and he is super sweet and i know him inside and out because we've been friends for five years... and he's all talking to me about paying for my ticket to go to texas and the ren fest... he's def a better logical match for me than B but I have an irrational attachment to B that I no longer have for jason (love or gooshy feelings) since I get along better with jason and I'd feel more secure dating him, would it be better to go for him or for B? I needed them both today at diff times, just because I like to have people around, and the saddest thing is that I would have had a better time if Jason had been there. :(
48. Do you have any cavities? I had a few as a kid but none since
49. Do you have any overdue bills? no *thanks god*

5 Are Yous
51. Are you overweight? No
52. Are you currently in a bad mood? read number 47 and u see my conflicted self
53. Are you wanting to tell someone something, but can't? oh god. it would be nice to talk to B about number 47 but i wimp out.
54. Are you a good cook? when i feel like cooking, but that's rare
55. Are you bored out of your mind? no, too much to keep me 'entertained'

5 Should Yous
57. Should you go brush your teeth? eventually
58. Should you have something to eat? no i ate too much today
59. Should you take a nap? i should go to bed
60. Should you tell someone you love them? ah jesus. it wouldnt do good, he'd not say it back, he'd just do all in his power to make me feel like i didn't say it in vain without saying it back. damn the idealistic love! it's pissing me off!
61. Should you be somewhere else? Bed or B's house.

So you've come upon my predicament without me intending to reveal it. There's so many things that are nagging at me to break up with Brandon and the only thing keeping me from doing it is an irrational splooge of gooey feelings. I want so badly to get advice on this, but i feel like i've gotten all the advice anyone could give me from my own brain, and ultimately its up to me to decide whats best for my life. Following someone else's heart would do my heart no good. Than why is it so hard for me? Because another ultimate is Brandon. Its stupid of me to sit here and muse on this without his input because in the end its really him and my unsurity of his intentions thats' causing this mess. so what I i need to do it have a serious talk to him.

Oh it sounds simple enough!

But then I get to his house, intending to talk, and I see him and all my worries and doubts melt away. So I don't care to talk about them anymore. But, as soon as I leave his house, sometimes it takes a few days of not seeing him, the doubts BAM are back in greater numbers carrying more advanced weaponry. I'm thinking that this pattern might be indicative of low self esteem issues, or perhaps my fear of commitment (which in essence is the same thing as self esteem issues because i fear to commit myself to something that will hurt me possibly and so i'd rather run away) so what I'm thinking is that I should call up the old therapist for funsies and see what he has to say before I do anything rash.

My only issue with that is my old therapist (when he was dating my mom. jerry springer shit!) had his own issues with commitment and wanted an open relationship because of it. In the past when I've spoken to him about my own commitment issues, he's flat out told me that I do not have issues getting close to people when its blaringly obvious to me that i do. so I don't know how good an old time's sake session would do me if he's going that route again. My goal is to have my answer by tomorrow (saturday april 12th) morning- whether I'm going to talk to lucky before i talk to brandon, talk to brandon and say fuck it, or figure it out on my own. By figure it out on my own I most likely mean break up with his ass because seriously something has to happen for me to go on in this 'relationship.' I'm tired of my rollercoaster emotions.

kids who can't read good

2008-03-28T11:33:00.001-07:00

Thanks FFG for the awesome new layout! You captured my likeness well :)

This upcoming sunday marks my first lesson in 'the modeling.' Here, as well as receiving beginner instructions on how the next six months will go, I will also receive text books and a makeup kit. Zoolander here I come!

I am also in pain from a mental lapse yesterday. While reading 'New Moon', a sequel to 'Twilight', I happened to be wearing shorts and lying on my stomach in the sun. A couple hours later, after having not moved much beyond turning pages, I am half lobster half albino. Only on my legs too, making it even creepier. Brandon laughed at me as he helped apply much needed aloe.

WARNING! HERE BE SPOILERS!

In New Moon, Bella is torn between her vampire lover and her werewolf best friend. (That's not giving away much, as you can anticipate that conflict from reading the first one) But I had a disturbing realization-- Even though Joe is FAR from being my best friend, and B isn't an immortal lover of mine, I swear the I had a mental image of them as vampire and werewolf. Like I said, it's only partly because of me- B and Joe hate each other because Joe wants to date me and B is, so that's a factor. But their personalities... Joe is young and foolhardy, with no life experience (Jacob the werewolf) while B is someone who's been around the block a few times and is a lot more cool headed. Funny, I would never have to think about sizing them up, but in the book I was thinking the whole time "stupid werewolf, you have no chance against edward" lol. I guess I've made my choice.

Invasion of the Blog Snatchers

2008-03-21T16:23:00.000-07:00

Paige is out... She is enjoying the Easter weekend in northern California. I decided that this was the perfect time to invade her blog and make a new design. Sorry that the comments are looking funky. You can click on that long code looking line & it will work. I've got to figure that out soon.

--Her sister (a.k.a. FFG)

Water and Poetry

2008-03-15T17:16:00.000-07:00

1. What song would you sing to your newborn child? (OR if you already had a child, which song did you sing to him/her?)
When I was a nanny, I sang some Mormon hymns to my niece- the ones that are both soothing and well known to me through insane repetition. Also, I sang 'imagination' from Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka.... :)
I don't know what songs were sung to me as a child, but B likes to talk about his mother used to sing 'Amazing Grace' to him and how it still soothes him. It's fascinating how those memories get imprinted.

2. How do you think animals think? (i.e. in animal language, human language, etc.)
Here's a scenario that I find interesting-- if highly advanced aliens were to come to Earth, it may as impossible for them to communicate with us as it is for us to communicate with ants or cows. As smart and adaptable as we think we are, since the aliens couldn't communicate with us, our language to them would be primitive and lacking intelligence. I can see that as being applicable to the relationship between human language and animal language: they have a separate language, but since it works for them, I don't see that they're so much stupider than us- just different.

3. As a child, did you have a dream to make a difference in the world? Can you describe your dream?
I wanted to be the Goddess of War. . . It wasn't an attainable dream, mostly because it was a silly story in my head, but I did dream about being a leader in an idealistic way.
Then I wanted to write books, which isn't much different than my goddess dream.

4. Do you believe in God/a Higher Being?
Yes. But I really do not like how religions have painted their 'god' because I think that this idea of a higher power is so beyond us that no mortal could fathomably know what god is or wants from us.

Jesus? I don't know. I obviously have issues with organized religion and therefore the bible, but I believe that there have been many wise people who have good ideas about how one should idealistically live. Jesus had very good ideas, and that's all that matters I think. People took his ideas and perverted them with forming a religion and hierarchy around them.

That's why I disagree with Christianity, but not necessarily with Jesus. Buddhists aren't so bad, strangely enough. White people intrinsically must like to think they're better than anyone else. (I'm white, and so I can say that. people can say neg things about their own race)

5. Do you believe in aliens?
Haha, see above.

For realsy now- in condensed form, I think that the universe is too enormous and complex to NOT have more life than on Earth.

The argument against aliens visiting Earth, I don't know. I don't really care if there are aliens that have spacecrafts and advanced cultures or not, I just know there's beings in the universe other than Earthlings. If they do visit us, okay. Back to the argument against it, though, if these beings are advanced enough to bend time and space to travel- why would they land on the bloody white house lawn to announce themselves? As I said before, we would probably seem to them like cats and flies seem to us, so there would be no reason for aliens to try extending us any polite courtesies. When was the last time you entreatied with the queen ant in your yard to make contact?

Ahhh, memes. :) This one was deep and actually challenging to my brainal-cortex. Yayrz!

Not the Miracle

2008-03-15T16:51:00.001-07:00

No comments on my last post? What the hell, guys, what the hell. :)

I think my room is haunted. There's been a negative energy about my room since we moved in, but I used to think it was just the layout of the house. My room is in a corner down a long hallway that is ill-used except by me. Then the feeling of isolation got worse when one) the dog we purchased turned out to be a pain in the ass because he wont get along with my cat, which means that we have to keep my bedroom door shut to separate them. two) we put in wood floors that darkened/hardened the room. The comfort level in there is very low to say the least.

Now I'm seeing ghosts and getting nightmares. I don't even like being in there very much anymore. Hopefully some of these spirit protection things that B is telling me about will help. Of course mom says I'm under attack because I'm not going to church anymore. She would say that lol

She was pissed when I got home this morning, though. Her slighty-retarded 'friend'/clingon from church called her before I got home, and told her that I'm not a mormon anymore. see, she ran into me outside of a Japanese buffet with my friends, and since she's slightly retarded she's very nosey without knowing how annoying and invasive it is. She asked why she doesn't see me at church anymore and I said because I'm not going anymore so that I can go to the spiritualist church instead. OMG, she like memorized everything I said, called my mom and said "I talk to your daughter" (oh and she's philipino that doesn't speak very good english) "and she say she no mormon anymore. she go to spiritualist church".

Mom should have known better to take HER word over mine. She got all mad thinking I hadn't told her something about my religious affiliation. Seriously, maybe I partially go to the spiritualist church because of B, but mostly I dont go to the mormon church because the people there are horrible and I can't stand them. Plus, Sundays are better spent NOT at an organized religion. I'd rather worship nature with a nice sunday picnic every week rather than go to church. That's just what I believe.

Inside

2008-03-06T22:18:00.000-08:00

I feel like B understands a LOT more than I do. Yes, I'm twenty and inexperienced, but alas, I'm intrisicaly idealistic and . . . head-floaty? Unrealistic might describe it better, seeing as reality bores me. A couple years wouldn't help me MUCH. B? He's an ex-marine who's been married, and has lived on his own since he was 17. Sometimes when he looks at me, I feel like he really sees me, not the person I'd like to think/pretend I am. That's why his idea of a good night out with Paige includes grocery shopping and watching "Nip/tuck". If it were up to me, we'd sit out on blankets in a park watching the stars, and possibly get arrested for being there after hours. Or going to a club. Or going to a museum/zoo. Or painting at the beach. Normalcy vs Paige. Strange, I like how he grounds me.

A psychic told me on sunday that I have someone new in my life right now who is attracted to my eccentricities, but also knows how to reign me in when I try to go to far. Like two weeks ago when I wanted to get my hair died pink at the edges and he said "HaHa! no..."

Should I think, or just enjoy?

Around the Bend

2008-03-02T19:03:00.000-08:00

Wow has this been a crazy weekend!

On Friday, while trying to apply for college this fall, I noticed that SDSU and any other college I could ever want, is already past the deadline for fall '08 applications. :( In retrospect, even though I dropped the ball on this one, the mistake has put me in a very special and interesting position. I've now been considering all kinds of alternatives, like even a dual major in English and Communications. Hmm? Monees? Yes?

Of course this shift came about from trying to accommodate a lecture my mom and step dad gave me yesterday morning about monees. They said that a degree in English is meaningless because it doesn't bring in any money. Well... that wasn't a convincing argument because all I heard was, "blah blah blah, you should disobey us and hold true to your beliefs/morals" similar to an idealist rebellion. But, I went and talked to brandon about it who said, "they feel that money is meaningful, which may not be meaningful to you"

;)lol i like cutting it off there to make me happy

but he did go on to encourage me to get a dual major because monees is important. Damn. lol. So there you have it. I'm happy because i get to major in english and go into a writing job, and mom is happy because she's paying for a BA that doesn't only say 'worthless english' below my name. yay!

the fool that asks

2008-02-17T22:09:00.000-08:00

With my own little blossoming romance, I have been inspired to write a cheesy dime novel for monees. Actually it was more monees than my own romance that inspired me. All my romance did was tell me that eHarlequin pays up to $10,000 for each book they publish. I could use that... and so down the cheesy novel lane I go!

I'm thinking big city girl moves to a small town. Her father has died and leaves her a large house in west texas, and she buys the beauty shop in town that's been sitting unused. Unfortunately, it's a crazy southern baptist town that doesn't like her because:
A) she's not baptist
B) she's from LA (outsider)
C) and she's made friends with a single mother that is also an outcast

To bring in the romance, the deputy sheriff is a hottie and unmarried. But he's not always been unmarried, and so begins the trouble... Why wont anyone talk about his ex-wife? Why is the female mayor giving Rosalyn (main character) such a hard time after her and the deputy kind of start dating? dun dun dun :)

So ya. I likes it. Now I just have to write it.

main stream

2008-02-13T12:58:00.000-08:00

You are Totally Realistic

"Romance" means you're about to roll your eyes
Seriously, you can do without the sap or drama
Save it for someone who has nothing really going on in their relationship

For you, love is real - and easily integrated into your life
You don't need candles, flowers, or chocolates to know he's the one
Just some stimulating conversation... and maybe a great smile.

Are You a Romantic or Realistic Girl?

To-to-ally

So in my writing class this guy turned in a paper called "Three Prostitutes." Honestly I wasn't expecting to be offended, I thought it would be a funny story with that kind of title- family guy/robot chicken-esque. But it offended the hell out of me. Firstly, the prostitutes have no personality and are only differentiated by body types and how they are in bed. Secondly, one prostitute wasnt responding enough to him, so he pushed her into the head board and gave her a concussion... only to laugh about it with his friend on the taxi ride home... Yay, this guy sounds like a winner.

Anyway, I expected a completely different person to walk into class having written that (I hadn't known the writer before reading the story) and this geeky red headed kid with man boobs walked in (not pecks- floppy boobs!) and didn't act at all how I thought he would. In fact, I assumed this was an autobiographical story, but now I'm not so sure. He was very professional about taking criticism and giving out criticism to others. I suppose it still could be based on real events, but I'm not as inclined to hate/slap him like I wanted to when I read it.

Happy Valentines/SAD day tomorrow! I intend to get drunk off of watching sappy love movies at my friend's house till 5:00 AM. :)

read my mind

2008-01-29T13:32:00.000-08:00

So it's the first day of school, and I am totally regretting my '8am-10pm' schedule decision. It sux. I have an aerobic dance class at 8-935, then a philosophy from 11-1235, then algebra from 325-550, and to finish the day off I get a writing class from 7:35-10:40. Bad decision on my part.

Half full view: My writing class in only on tue so on thurs I get to go home at 6:00. Then on mon-wed I have an acting class with Val, and it's supposed to be really fun and somewhat easy. Eh. I wouldn't be taking it if I didn't have a friend there like Val who is in cahoots with all the drama teachers, so I figured I'd take the one acting class in my life before I chicken out. Who knows, I could be one of those self-righteous famous bastards who writes a movie, plays the main character, and directs it too. yay!

glitter-graphics.com

Happy belated birthday Lexi and Steph!

solve the problem

2008-01-23T20:40:00.000-08:00

I've been on myspace on and off so much in the past couple weeks that i should buy property there. The reason is has to do with my lack of motivation to write my book. So far, surprise surprise, ignoring the problem isn't making it go away. When i do force myself to write it comes out awk and doesn't feel right. So here's my spewing of ideas as to how i'm going to keep the idea alive-

Last night i started reading Dracula for the first time ever (lol i know its hard to believe) and even more strange, i found it to be kind of boring, but not because of the fact it was written in journal form. So it got me thinking... should i rewrite my book in journal form?

I dunno. On one hand, it's a story that doesn't flow very well because it's a journey rather than a race against the clock or whatever. She's on a horse most of the book, not knowing what she's doing, so the stream of conscious/narrative approach that i originally tried is making the story more dull than it has to be since things don't happen BAM BAM BAM, they happen over periods of time. Thats why journal would be good because it can write up whats important about that particular day/week without me worrying about missing character development.

BUT on the other hand...

She's on a frikkin horse in a parallel dimension. I'd have to pull a lot of creative license strings to make her carry around a stock of paper and ink. It could be done, like say she's trying to starighten out things and needs to get them down on paper to keep her sane so the hastle of journal writing is worth while? Maybe she wants to write a book when she gets back to her home dimension? I dunno, but it could be done... so my question: is it worth it?

No one's really read this book i'm talking about, but does anyone have any feedback on methods of writing? Would you rather read a book of chapters written by an unseen author, or journal entries by the main character's hand? It's definetly something i'm going to consider even if i'd have to rewrite 150+ pages. I'll have to change something even if it's not into journal, so if you don't like journal, plz give me some other options! pweeeze?

A muffin for anyone who comments! :)

what makes a set back into a disaster

2008-01-15T16:02:00.000-08:00

This book I'm reading about intuition and how to recognize it says that stress is something that is put in everyone's lives as a test. Apparently, when we are in the spirit world about to come down for a body, we write out a blue print that states exactly what we want to experience in life, based on what we want to learn. Stress is thrown in there, because if you think about it- an event wouldn't be a challenge if it didn't cause stress.

The reason we all have it is so that we can learn to let go of stress. So, i've started a little routine of de-stressing (whether you buy into intuition or not, stress is bad) mostly the routine involves bubble baths, candles/incense, and lots of long walks/time spent outside. It also seems to be working out that i'm doing all this by myself and my stress is just melting away. Not necessarily because i'm alone, however, because I want to bring in some of my friends who have issues with stress.

Now, this post didn't have much of a purpose, but I'm finding that if you write down your goals and the effects they are having on you, it's not so hard to follow through with the goals. It is a new year, afterall. :)

gregorian

2008-01-10T12:43:00.000-08:00

It's a new year and a new Paige.

Yesterday I was mad and a little hurt, and it had to do with Brandon. This morning, though, I woke up irrationally happy. Everything seems to be ok again even though nothing has changed in the past 24 hours. To clarify a little, Brandon and I are really good friends and if it ever goes beyond that then it will take some time.

Surprise surprise, I'm ok with that.

Now onto last night:

i went to a movie in my angst with Val, Mary, and Kristin- you know, the gang that i was trying so hard to avoid almost a year ago. It wasn't my angst that made me go out with them, i made the plans before me and Brandon had the talk, but I'm glad I went because I think I judged them too harshly too quickly. They're really a great/fun bunch of people. I'm glad that they never stopped bugging me to hang out with them.

One more thing: I've decided that my new 3rd or 4th favorite artist of all time somewhere mixed within david bowie, meatloaf, seal, and the cranberries- is MIKA. Check my myspace for his songs.

last of the year thoughts

2007-12-30T13:23:00.000-08:00

2008 is upon us!

And what is on my mind on the last day before the last day of 2007? Something that I didn't see coming a year ago today or even a month ago today: self-confidence issues.

Well, it's not so much worried about the way I am and wanting to change it, because I don't feel like changing. What's bothering me is Brandon (or as I shall refer to him in future posts- John Redcorn) and I found eachother on myspace, and I now wish that we hadn't. First of all, his default pic is Horrible! He pasted his face onto an ugly half naked troll sitting on toad stools! What posseses someone to do that? But that's not so bad, it's a point of teasing if anything!

What's really getting to me is the trillions of other photos he has on myspace. They all have atleast one hot girl in them wearing something sluty and someone in the picture is holding a beer. Not to mention that he looks HOT in all of his pictures, and you can tell that he knows he and the girls in the picture are hot. At my best? I'm quirky and not a constant partier.

I want so bad to be like "Why are you even talking to me when you obviously have all these hot girls to choose from?" I don't like the possible answers either: I'm the 'safe' girl, I'm the girl that is going to fawn over him and doing all I can to please him, etc.

I hope I'm reading too much into this, but it still bothers me that I'm sitting here in a man's polo shirt and no makeup looking at pictures of my possible boyfriend dancing up on beautiful girly girls. boo :(

Happy New Year! lol

post xmas

2007-12-29T08:42:00.000-08:00

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his
girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the
ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said,
"Hey, Mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now!, Let's look at the moon!" said
Rosita.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and me do Weeweechu.
I love you and it's the perfect time,"Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the
moon." replied Rosita

"Please, Corazoncita, just once, do Weeweechu with
me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, just one time,
we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedroquickly grabbed his guitar and they both
sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry
Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
and a Happy New Year."

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! !!

My mom sent this to me and I cringed as I read it thinking it was another lecture on moving too fast. Imagine my delight at the end :) It's a little late for a merry christmas, but there you have it

resolutions

2007-12-27T13:48:00.000-08:00

I had the urge to write a very emo post about how this year has treated the world (and me, since I am in the world) but it got so emo that I wanted to slap myself, and here we are with no emo year-end post.

New Year's Resolutions:

1. find some daily exercise routine that I can stick with

2. finish my book!!!

3. figure out what I'm going to do with my life to fund ... my life

And that's about it. My mom's really pushing for the last one. Next summer she wants me to either work at Grand Canyon or get an internship with Solar Turbines. Pay wise, I think I'll go with the second one, even though it's not as exciting as burros and scorpions.

Texas is treating me well for the holidays. I haven't really seen anyone as of yet, but I plan to do so soon. I'm running out of time! In a week from today I'll be back in San Diego!

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-25T07:15:00.000-08:00

The two presents I got this year ;) lol Just kidding, I don't get to take one of them home, but which one??

Merry Christmas!

hippo for xmas

2007-12-23T17:54:00.000-08:00

Here I am in Texas for Christmas and it's been a hell of a good time. We went to the mall today after chruch, whereupon the christmas shopping was finished. Yesterday we passed out goodies to some friends, and before that was lots of cooking and preparing for the holiday.

AAANNNNDDD I have a boyfriend? There's a question mark because, as my sister calls it, we've only done the non-commital makeout to go along with the sort of dates. Actually it was a week after we started dating (?) when he dropped me off at my car after dinner (which was after our final) and I told him to kiss me while pulling on his collar. Actually it was mutual- he was leaning the same time I started to tell him to kiss me. :P Fun times, fun times.

Best thing about Christmas? Christmas meme:

1. Wrapping paper or gift bag?

Every time I try to wrap a gift with wrapping paper, it comes out looking like a 5 year old wrapped it. I'll stick with gift bags if I get the inclination to go buy some.

2. Real tree or artificial?

I like tree farms, but I've become quite lazy and so I wanted this year to use one of those 1 foot high trees that are predecorated. I'll probably get one of those when I have to do my own christmas

3. When do you put up your tree?

Day or so after thanksgiving.

4. When do you take down your tree?

?? When they turn brown

5. Do you like eggnog?
Not really, I like comforting drinks like HOT CHOCOLATE or APPLE CIDER

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

barbies?

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

My mom has a glass light up one that she'll give to me when I get out of the house

8. Hardest person to buy for?

step dad- he only likes expensive toys and I'm poor

9. Easiest person to buy for?

Lisa because her boyfriend buys her crap and her expectations are low ;)

10. Worst Christmas gift you've ever received?

My dad gave me a walmart bag full of little cheap crappy things. Like a pack of spatulas. ???

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?

e-mail I guess

12. Favorite Christmas movie?

Love Actually

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

Weekend before sometimes lol (like this year)

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Yes I love regifting. I got a candle this year, and without putting it in another bag, I turned around and gave it to my boss to make her feel guilty for not paying me yet

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Chocolate. Not fudge though.

16. White or colored lights?

White

17. Favorite Christmas songs?

Santa Baby

18. Traveling for Christmas or stay home?

Traveling. Texas for the holidays.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeers?

Yes only because of that song though

20. Angel or Star on top of tree?

Angel? or maybe something sacreligious like a barbie

21. Open presents Christmas Eve or Morning?

One on the eve and the rest at the crack of dawn. Except I never wake up that early. My family gets mad at me becuase they have to wait for me to open gifts and I love sleeping in

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

Christmas music on the radio when it's december 1st-20th. I like Christmas music for about one week out of the year.

23. What I love most about Christmas?

Gatherings and the hub-bub of it all. Oh and finals are always out before christmas so that's a plus.

tip the scale

2007-12-06T23:56:00.000-08:00

There are so many good things about this semester ending. I get to go visit my sister in Houston and celebrate Christmas with some actual children (even though they don't quite get christmas yet, it's still better than old people who are like 'bleh, another christmas') I get to meet my newest nephew, I get to see my friends, and I get two or so weeks off of work. Yay!

But then there's the reasons that I am not anticipating the end of this semester. For one, I absolutely love most of my classes and teachers. That does not happen often, not to me anyway. Then there's the big fiasco of next semester: it'll be my last and I'll have to move on. (brings up too many questions: Where will I go? What will I do? Should I take the seminar then to make me a narrative therapist so I can fund some of my own college? Does that mean I need to stay in California because people here are more obsessed with bettering themselves? Should I move out?) Ouch, huh? Of course that also means telling mom that I'm not going to do physical therapy which is nigh impossible apparently because she thinks I'm already signing up for the classes this week.

There's too much. It would be nice if my brother moved here, maybe he wouldn't mind rooming with his little sister when mom kicks me out of the house for not doing something as sure of success as the job she wants for me.

Merry December!

phlegm

2007-11-30T23:50:00.000-08:00

I'm planning the post in which I tell my sister's blogging community that she's having a baby this weekend. Any suggestions?

My brother's wife had her baby on Thursday! (This is a family of rabbits, babies popping out everywhere) They named her Rachel Law. Sweet and simple. I think I shall call her Drusilla: Sifter of the Hordes :) Complicated nicknames is how I secure my title as the insane auntie. For example, I have called my sister's baby Alejandro since he was known of, and I intend to continue calling him that- at least when he's older and understands the joke. I'm sure Steph will explain to him that his auntie paige has no real power over his name, and so he doesn't have to go by Alejandro. (don't forget the phlegm or ahmed will eat you in your sleep. yes, I said eat. O_o)

Have a dr. who icon!

high in fructose

2007-11-29T20:29:00.000-08:00

yay for the new holiday themed layout! I should get everyone flip flops for Christmas this year, just to show everyone why they're the best shoes year-round. :) Thanks FFG!

Paige got a job! I am now part of the noble class of secretary. Or receptionist. Or Lobbyist. . . wait...

But yes, my psych teacher asked me one day "do you have a job?" and I said..."no" very emphatically. Apparently emphatism was the wrong inflection because what I was going for was 'pee-in-my-pants glee' at not having a job even though I need one. Eh, she offered me a position as her assistant where she really works which is as a therapist on Hotel Circle. Technically I got hired yesterday and my first day is tomorrow.

Best part?? Hours/days: Mon, Wed, Fri- - from 11:00 till 2:00 ish. Can I get a wOOt wOOt??

Worst part: I can't get the nerve up to ask how much she pays. She's my professor for the love of benny hauna! I can't stand up to her as my boss until after the semester ends! 2nd worst part: I just started getting Dr. Who seasons on netflix and I find myself wanting to watch them more than do any homework. curses! Darn you David Tennant and your sexy lonely god-ness!

allways stay the same

2007-11-24T13:44:00.000-08:00

So it's the saturday after thanksgiving- and i am officially sick of turkey. It just makes me sleepy and i don't need more of that then what i have naturally. Food coma anyone?

I am thankful for my families' health, for education, and cashews. :)

Seriously, I think it's only a matter of time before I get this book of mine done. Even though the end isn't exactly in sight, I feel like its all mapped out and ready to fly. I'll come back in a year or so when it's acutally finished and prove myself somewhat right.

Happy Dregs of Thanksgiving!

mixing fandoms

2007-11-20T13:03:00.000-08:00

Yay! Harry Potter! :)

Oh, and by the way---

for the layout FFG
Happy Thanksgiving Break!

One for the grandchildren

2007-11-18T15:51:00.000-08:00

When I was 12 or so, I made a list of life goals that I felt were really important at the time. Mostly the list consisted of weather disasters that I wanted to capture on video (hurricane, tornado, water spouts...) and I think something about sky diving, but the one that I REALLY wanted was to meet a celebrity. My family has all kinds of chance-meeting stories of famous people, and I would listen on with envy...

NOW I HAVE MY OWN!! ^_^

Kirk Douglas was signing his autobiography today at the local Cosco, and although I didn't know he'd written one, I picked one up and got an autograph! wOOt! There's one life goal down... I mean, Kirk Douglas people! He was one of those big shots, and I was standing face to face with him today!! WOW. That gets stored away in the old memory bank.

He's ninety now, old and his voice sounded a little scratchy when he said thank you (of course I blushed and said thank YOU right back) But it was him. I'm all star struck now :)

what to do, what to do

2007-11-15T17:35:00.000-08:00

paige=bummed

November is just a'flyin by and there's nothing I can do to impede the progression. That would be all fine and good, but the closer it gets to next semester, the closer I get to having to make a final decision.

Physical Therapy?
English?

One means steady OK money which could put me through a decidedly slower English degree.
While the other.. is just an English degree

money wise? the choice is obvious. In theory, I find physical therapy to be very appealing and IN THEORY I would jump right into that mess

But in application?? I just don't like it. Communism is a good theory too, but that doesn't mean it's any good in application. lol I know that statement could go both ways to argue against both degrees, but what I'm trying to say is that I want to be a full on writer, invest my entire being into it, rather than give myself a fall back. I know myself, I give up easily when I have a fall back, and I do NOT want to give myself the 'tap out' monetarily speaking.

flower power

2007-11-12T20:50:00.000-08:00

I don't know what was up with me last week, I must have been PMSing. Everything was just SO gloomy and terrible! Oh woe is me! lol, well thank God that's over. I got over that mess over the weekend, and by Sunday night I felt like a million bucks! The garlic/tomato pizza might have had a hand in that.

Thanks to the veterans I got the night off of school, which means I didn't so anything today except play puzzle pirates and watch psych while wrapped up in a blanket. (it's flippin cold here!) Which is why I went and spent 2 hours at the hot tub. Mmmm that was nice. Amy came by for half an hour as well, which was nice. She's funny and gets excited over the littlest things! It's great!

Tonight she had a story about visiting her best friend up at his college in San Fransisco. No, she didn't wear a flower in her hair, but she did wake up to her friend sitting on the bed staring at her LOL Time to find a new best friend! (its a dude by the way, and he was still in his boxers... *cough* weirdo!)

I also pulled myself back from the 7 or 8 novels I was writing. Even though mom has lead me awry in the past on le writing, this time she was probably right: It's more efficient just to write ONE and finish it, then you can start another and so on and so forth. Well I didn't pull it back to only ONE novel, but I have one on the computer and one in a notebook that is only for fun (harry potter fan fiction ^_^) So yeah, discipline... somewhat...

Memeory, all alone in the moonlight

2007-11-08T23:39:00.000-08:00

1. Does anyone know your password to your MySpace besides yourself?: Many people do. I've used that password for just about everything-- including NEOPETS! yay!

2. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonalds?: Ranch BLT w/ fries and a Dr. Pepper

3. Are you an emotional person? I think I'm emotionally stunted sometimes

4. Do you like your middle name?: Paige X Law

5. Do you believe in love at first sight?: I'm sure it happens all the time... *what do you see when you turn out the light?* I can't tell ya but I know it's mine! I GET BY WITH A LIL HELP FROM MY FRIENDS!

6. Does the person you like know that you like them?: Yes, but it doesn't matter because he has a girl on his arm. You know, I almost like him better now that we're just friends, I feel more natural around him now.

7. What was the last thing you did?: finished Much Ado About Nothing

8. Ever been in love?: Once. And it didn't last very long. And I'm glad it's over. (does being in love with chocolate cereal count? or gel pens? how about a song by Seal?)

9. Who was the last person you ate with?: Amy at lunch today. I was such a pig! I ate all of my dish of spicy marinara pasta, then finished off the rest of hers!

10. What song are you listening to now? Fashion by David Bowie. So sue me, I'm predictable.

11. How's the weather right now?: Cold and foggy and a bit sprinkly

12. Last person who called you? Mom. She's pissed off today because she's getting a cold and it's gotten really hectic at work.

13. Last lie you told? "I'm going to start eating healthier"

14. Last song you sang? Finger Eleven "Paralyzer"

15. Do you love anyone?: my family

16. Lost a friendship over something stupid?: Yes, and not always because I was being stupid.

17. Last thing you drank?: Cream Soda

18. Last thing you ate?: Cheese/tomato wrap

19. Where do you wish you were?: on vacation?

20. Faked being sick to miss school?: More than most people dreamed of.

21. What time did you wake up today?: 6:35 AM

22. Last person you talked to?: Hercules. He counts right? (cat's are great conversationalists)

23. Last person that made you laugh?: Senor Benedict on Much Ado About Nothing

24. What are you wearing right now? A smelly old paint splattered Skater hoodie

26. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Attitude/demeanor

27. Where are you right now?: Home

28. What day and date is it? None of your beezwax

30. What did you do there? ??? There appears to be a missing query.

31. What else are you doing today? I assume I'll be waking up too early tomorrow for there to be much more of today

32. Are you watching TV?: Nope.

33. Are you mature or immature?: depends on what company I'm in... I'm immature to the mature people, and I'm mature to the immatures. Which means that I'm immature when I'm comfortable in my surroundings and therefore I am immature by nature.

34. Are you closer to your mom or dad? mom. why, she's only one room over from me as I type. ;)

36. What school do you go to?: San Diego Mesa College: Where the poor snobs can find an education and practice belittling each other.

37. What's the most annoying thing people say to you?: "where've you been?" it bugs the sherbert outa me.

38. Do you like music?: YES. I need music! Without it, I would never EVER have a good time driving.

39. Do you want to get married?: meh. No comment.

41. Where did you go on vacation last summer?: This most recent summer I went to Houston, and the previous summer I was in miami.

42. Would you bungee jump?: No. But I would sky dive/para-sail/swim with sharks/safari in a heartbeat.

43. Do you like rollercoasters? With ever fiber of my being

44. Is there anything you wish for every summer?: Do something I haven't done before.

45. Do you use chopsticks?: At the Golden Bowl buffet

46. What's your favorite meal of the day?: Snack

47. Thinking of someone right now?: Lexi Lou

48. Concerned about life right now?: How could one not be? Anything one could be concerned about could fit under being concerned about life. Right now I'm concerned with telling my mom what I really what to do with my college education

49 Have you ever tripped going up the stairs?: God I hate doing that.

50. What are you looking forward to this spring? hmmm.... nothing. I have to get through the rest of this semester first then I can worry about spring. (worry, not look forward to)

I know, this is a cop-out post. But I feel bogged down suddenly. Tomorrow my mom wants me to go to work with her so she can have a helper, then I have a buddhist guided meditation from 7-9, and on Saturday I will be void of activity until I go BACK downtown to see a store called 'vintage religion' with some friends. Sunday? Church surrounded by another void couple of hours and then BAM before I know it we'll hit Monday and the whole mess will start again. Seriously, I am too young to have this bleak of an outlook. When did this come on? About the time I realized that hope is futile. (lol, dramatic flare doesn't help me any does it? Virginia Woolf was right-- Who shall measure the heat and violence of the poet's heart when caught and tangled in a woman's body?)

Positive? (for I'm determined that this isn't as bad as it feels) Always look on the bright side of life! *whistles*

coming clean

2007-11-05T00:00:00.000-08:00

1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME
(name of your first pet, street you grew up on)

Tiger York - lol, i don't do farm porn tho

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME
(grandmother/grandfather's first name, favorite snack)

Lorena Skor - ooo, I could be a Bond girl!

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME
(first word you see on your left, favorite restaurant)

Castle Marakesh

4. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME
(first letter of your first name/ first 3 letters of your last name)

Plaw - wow thats boring

5. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME
(favorite animal, name of high school)

Tabby Forest

6. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME
(middle name, city where you were born):

X Orem - no middle name lol

7. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME
(name of sibling [opposite sex], cell phone company you use):

Clayton Verizon

8. YOUR STAR WARS NAME
(first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)

Law Far-Ern

That last one does totally sound like star wars. I sound like I'd live on Endor or chill with Jar-Jar - blech!

Yes I'm delaying going to sleep. It's not insomnia this time, I just don't want to go to sleep. I'm quite happy sitting here on the internet messing around, taking a meme that I've done a million times, spending an hour on a single make-it-yourself avatar; you know, the good stuff.

There's something that's bugging me though. Tomorrow I have a therapist appointment, and I plan to talk about some church issues. The problem is that it's right in the middle of the day, takes an hour, and I dont usually wake up until 11:00 if not later. (yes, paige has become extremely bad at sleeping in) and so come one o'clock I have a 600 word essay to write, a test to study for, and 4 chapters to read for the studying of that test elsewise I'll fail miserably come tuesday morning at bloody 8:00. *sigh* that's why I'm awake, because the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner I face THAT. wOOt in a bucket of ashes and frolicking unicorns.

The Half Full glass: RealAge tells me that I'm actually a year and a half younger than I really am! Yay, I must be doing something right!

cannot change

2007-11-04T01:20:00.000-07:00

My brother professes an interest in moving down to San Diego to get a job rebuilding all the homes that were burnt down in the fire. He talks big, but I don't know if he's serious about it. If he were, then all the best to him, and I hope he lets me crash at his place when I get fed up with mom and malc ;) lol, but seriously if he does come down that would be pretty cool, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Fall Back today. That's why I'm up at 1:00 because literally it's only 12:00 lol such a big difference I know.

The reason I'm really online is that I started out on Mixed Nuts chat room, which by the way is kick ass fun, but technically it is a depression support website so ... hell, what am I saying?-- everyone's got something to complain about, and if you don't then you can go in there and help other people out. It's fun, trust me. Another thing that's fun is Meez. It's an avatar dealie that I mess around with every once and a while. Yahoo avatars are fun too.

wOOt for wasting time on le internet

On yahoo, I found my old yahoo email address. It was a no bueno because on it I have the last 10 or so emails that my dad ever sent me saved in a folder marked 'dad'. That's what pushed me into avatars, I wanted not to look at that. It was hard to have 'him' so close without actually being there. It also hurts because he used to send me comics like 3 a week right up until he was diagnosed with cancer, and I took them for granted and so now I only have three or four of them. Its not like comics are super important, or that I'd never find anything like them ever again. I guess what it is has to do with dad having sent them and picked them out to make me laugh. I hope I can look at them one day, and that the account doesn't get deleted somehow without my knowing.

paige for page

2007-11-03T16:36:00.000-07:00

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streak
You're a famous beauty - with unique look
And the people like you are cultish about it

What Famous Pinup Are You?

where the rain gets in

2007-10-30T17:20:00.000-07:00

You would think having been in school for the past 15 or so years, not to mention other interactions I've had socially, that today would not be the first day that I would notice what makes me different from a lot of girls (in Calif, anyway. I seem to have forgotten daily wear in klein forrest.) Most of the girls here in my classes spend a lot of time on their appearance, and especially a lot of time and money on their clothes. They go all out coming to school like it's some social gathering, where you can't be seen wearing the same item twice. I don't do that. I'm lucky on my early mornings to still have eyeliner on from the night before, not to mention how cold it is in my house at 6:00. I cannot dress cute when it takes 100% of my motivation just to take my big comfy pajamas off to be bared to the frigid air even for a few minutes. I'm sorry, I must be lazy or something. It's not like there's a professional dress code for Mesa Community College-- even the teachers wear jeans and hoodies! Geeze, I think I'm the only sane female there sometimes. Or at least I'm more of a tom boy than I ever thought.

WEll, I do dress to impress on Monday and Wednesday but that's because it's bloody 6:30 at night and I have too much time to get ready. And I have someone in mind. Hell, I kind of even dress up on thurs despite waking up at 6:00 am. Dang. Okay I guess its just tues that I'm 'tom boyish'.

Happy Halloween!!

Words of Wisdom

2007-10-29T22:35:00.000-07:00

35 Secrets About You.
Be honest no matter what.
[stolen from fuzzy_ninja]

1: Who were your last 4 texts from?
Amy. Apparently our test was moved back a week and we're studying on Friday. wee!

2: Where was your myspace default picture taken?
At Lisa's apartment. I think. I haven't been on myspace in some time, especially because I got a lot of people asking me if Lisa was my new girlfriend O_o?? I wasn't aware I had an old girlfriend for Lisa to replace. (although we are going out. lol. ;) I'm just playin, she turned me down LOL)

3: What is your middle name?
X. As in Mrs. :P No middle name for me, but I once imagined my middle name was Alex for funsies

4: Your current relationship status?
Single for perhaps not too much longer. I feel like it's just a matter of time, but that doesn't technically mean my status is any diff

5: What color shirt are you wearing?
dark blue tye-dye

6: Are you happy?
Happiness is not sustainable. I WAS happy earlier this evening.

7: If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
I would rather not out of fear of the implications. You know... butterfly effect and what not...

8: Where was the last place out of town that you went to?
Carlsbad. It's outside of San Diego technically, even though the entire south western coast of calif is one big blob of indistinguishable metropolis. Maybe that's the fire trouble.

9: Ever had a near death experience?
I've been in car accidents, and I've had weird times when I felt my mortality when absolutely nothing was threatening my life. It's quite a frightening experience.

10: Something you do a lot?
Hurt myself. I never realized how many self inflicted wounds I had till someone asked me to catalogue my scars. (I count cat scratches as self inflicted)

11: Do you have a fondness for gnomes?
Lawn gnomes? I don't think I've ever met one I particularly disliked...

12: Who can you tell anything to?
Hurculese. Otherwise known as 'le chat'

13: Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Butt man. What'shisface? Richard Gere!

14: When was the last time you cried?
When I watched Across the Universe and teared up when a little boy died.

15: Where are you right now?
Home.

16: If you could have one super power what would it be?
Telepathy. I can't tell you how many times I wished I could pick something up across the room without having to get up. Like when I'm half asleep and my cat wants in or out, and he wont shut up unless I open the door. grrr...

17: What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
attitude

18: Who is your favorite celebrity?
Gary Oldman. Ever since I made an emoticons using pictures of him, my interest has been rekindled. Plus watching his early movies and seeing him as a non bad guy for once.

19: Favorite color(s)?
Lime Green-now and forever

20: What is one thing that annoys you on TV?
VH1/MTV (any other tv channels) reality crap

21: Do you still like kiddie movies?
totally. Except not in a kiddie way. Now I watch Alice in Wonderland and Sword in the Stone searching for deeper meaning. Stupid lit classes!

22: What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
air? thinking about some chocolate though

23: Do you speak any other languages?
lots of attempts, no real speakies. Attempts: arabic, chinese, spanish, and french

24: What's your favorite smell?
wild vanilla

25: Describe your life in one word?
Cracker

26: Have any tattoos?
Not yet. *shakes fist*

27: What are you looking forward to the most?
Chocolate?

28: What are you thinking about right now?
The Beatles and the complexities of their extreme popularity. I know-> Me=Nerd.

29: What should you be doing?
sleeping. For I have class early tomorrow.

30: Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
My neighbor. He's like forty, and I think he's married (or separated), and he's totally weird. Every time I see him he asks me to go out to coffee. Can you say creepy?

31: What are you listening to?
Let it Be by The Beatles

32: Do you like working in the yard?
no. If I ever got a plant, it would be for le chateau.

33: If you could have any last name in the world, what would it be?
None. I would be like Prince, except just Paige. I think that would be cool.

34: Do you act differently around the person you like?
no, but I do wish I could act differently around him. I want to be more open but it's proving difficult.

35: What is you natural hair color?
Brown.

Tags?? None. Unless you so wish.

monster mash

2007-10-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

Annual block party is now officially... over. It only lasted from 3-9, and we were there from 5-8:30. Good times though, my contacts were a hit. Oddly enough, most everyone asked me if the 'white out' effect was natural or fake. It makes me wonder if there are real people with whited out irises. Pigment trouble perhaps? If that's the case, then it's not so funny anymore to tease people and say that they're my natural eyes.

Anyway, there was lots of kids there who wanted their face painted. Most wanted bats, or spiders, or cats, or butterflies. In fact, that's all anyone wanted! Only one little girl wanted a vampire face, which actually had a bat on it so I guess that's not a good variance. Otherwise, mom was better at talking the kids into getting more elaborate things, I pretty much encouraged the simple outlines of bats and cats-- because they're easy! shhh! don't tell anyone!

Something bugged me though... about 90 percent of the 'young ladies' there all had about the same costume on, with only slight variation of color or design. It was basically a tutu with a corset designed to make them a sexy version of whatever the costume was. Like there was a group of three 12 year olds- one was a 'girl scout', one was a pink fairy of some sort, and the other was 'the cat in the hat' (as short as her little tutu thing was, i'm sure the costume could have been called something else)

I do not like this mind set that a girl's halloween costume MUST look like lingerie. Not even classy lingerie- it's the kind of lingerie for couples who have the school girl fetish. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be sexy, the problem is that the girls aren't encouraged to GROW UP in their sexiness. *sigh* I'm younger than most girls who go for those costumes and I feel like a grandma remembering the good ol' days. What are my peers going to 'remember' about their good old days? Are their kids going to want to wear cave man costumes while they're thinking to themselves "in my day, we wanted to show off our immature attempt at sexiness" Pshh, it makes me sick that some of those toddler skirts are considered sexy when a pre-teen bulimic dresses in one.

And look at that, I don't want to go to church AGAIN tomorrow. Some things never change.

tender hands

2007-10-26T17:26:00.000-07:00

STOP!

Go to google really quick and type in "(your name) is a" with the quotation marks and everything. I don't care if you've done it before or not, it allways makes for a good laugh. Today I found this gem:
"Paige is a graduate of Duke University and Nova Southeastern University Law School."

I never knew I was so accomplished. This one might describe me better: "Paige is a freak and a half..." That one's for a Paige on myspace, who has a song called "music touched by vagina" well then. Fantastic.

Otherwise, my purple hair was a failure, and my inverse french manicure is sinking fast as well. I hope this isn't the start of a trend. You know, like one of my white out contacts gives me eye herpes (I hope that doesn't really exist, that would suck), or my fake eyelashes get permanently stuck to my eyelid. Sounds like a fun halloween to me! O_O Now I've got myself worried about what else is going to go wrong.

Do not go quietly

2007-10-23T22:02:00.001-07:00

The fire looks like it's getting bigger and badder, or I should say the ever multiplying fires. When I was at work with my mom today (because Mesa locked me out till at least Thurs) the old folks that were sentient enough to understand the goings on of the outside world all talked about the past fires and how this one is bigger. (I know the news is saying that but I don't trust that fox news reporter... he always interrupts his female co-anchor...) They, however, are not worried for themselves, nor are they terribly worried about their children/loved ones. That struck me as odd. Perhaps they weren't as sentient as they appeared.

But anywho, I think it goes without saying that I am almost fully prepared to high-tail it off Mt. Soledad should the fireman come knocking. Of course, I'd rather not have the fires spread anymore. I almost cried yesterday watching a family on the news trying to evacuate a house - two cars were backing out of the driveway, and the garage door was just barely closing when their house flared up. You could just FEEL them tearing themselves away from their beloved home in order to save their lives and few grabbed belongings. Ouch. (some of the sentiment I blame on not having slept last night, every minute thinking the evacuation call would come. I don't see tonight being too much different. The news -not the sexist douche newsman either- is quite confidant that the inimical* wild fires may not be deterred by the marine layer that's coming back over the next two days.) ((marine layer is the fog that comes off the ocean and gives us coastal cities our much needed saturation))

* word of the day on dictionary.com ;) means 'enemy like' lol

Oh, and I guess I'm not completely worried, it would just suck to have to be evacuated. Especially if you come back to a pile of ash where your cars/house/other worldly possessions once were. Did you hear that Bush declared a state of emergency for San Diego county, among others? I was like 'wOOt' at first till I realized that it was a bad thing...

Couldn't Get Much Higher

2007-10-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

Paige is NOT on fire, the area around my place is safe for now, I haven't heard of any evacuation plans (and believe me, I've been looking)

Mesa college has canceled classes today though. You'd think I'd be happy, but this is going too far just to get another week to study for a midterm that I'm going insane over. What would make me a little happy was if school is canceled again tomorrow, but not on Wednesday. And that the fires can be stopped SOON. Please God? I'll tell Hollywood to stop being blasphemous.

Sinkin Boat

2007-10-21T15:49:00.001-07:00

Dont tell my mom (she'll find out soon enough) but tomorrow I'm going to do a crazzy hair color streak. The color is 'grape' purple for dark hair. The reason I'm doing it tomorrow is because 1) I'll have the house to myself for the day -- 2) its my mid-term and I need something to ease the tension -- and 3) I'm gonna see Tim tomorrow. He rocks. I would like to rock too.

The reason I chose grape is because my Halloween costume has purple in it. And doesn't purple just scream 'sorceress' anyway? I think so. The hair color, purple/black nails, and white out contacts means I am now ready for Halloween. Yay for bargain shopping and coming out better for it on the other end!

Well, I don't know so much about 'better' because it's very possible that my hair scheme goes kaput and I get kermit-green blobs rather than grape purple streaks. That's a risk I'm willing to take.

Sweet Sassy Molassy

2007-10-20T21:02:00.000-07:00

Mom's on a blogger bend tonight, trying to look at everyone's blog. She got her fill of her grand daughters' blogs, and then wanted to see mine. I felt bad but I didn't want her to read it, so I pulled it up to show her the layout thinking she wouldn't want to read anything. She started glancing down, and I got really uncomfortable. I don't even think I have a reason to get uncomfortable, except maybe being really judgmental of mormons. Still, I feel bad but I didn't let her read it.

In related news, I really don't feel like going to church tomorrow. It's not been a good week for me, today included, (simply put- it's one of the worst starting time-of-the-months i've had in a long time, and it's not even over yet) and I'd really like not to go tomorrow, just a day off of something I can take a safe day off from.

And I have a midterm on monday night! Ack!

The Royal Princes

2007-10-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

This is my 102nd post on PageWize. wOOt!

To celebrate, I shall write a normal post and pretend like nothing has changed. I'm such a party animal. Here we go, get out your noise-makers!

So last night I had one of the worst nights of sleep in my life. If I wasn't staring at the wall or counting how many times I felt the need to swallow in a minute, then I was having feverish nightmares of stupid stupid things. I promise, I didn't get more than thirty minutes of decent sleep, and so this morning I watched the sun come up and heard my alarm go off. I turned it off... and then promptly went to sleep! I didn't even remember doing it! I was just like "Oh look at that, it's time to go to school..." *clunk* The next thing I remember was mom waking me up and asking me what was wrong. See, to her it appeared that I was sleeping in, but in reality I had just taken a power nap before yanking myself from the blankets and eating a healthy breakfast of Pepsi and toast.

You can imagine I didn't do anything appearance-wise. I was lucky to put normal clothes on. After that I didn't feel like much else-- so I went to class in an old bandanna to cover my crappy hair and cold ears, no makeup, glasses instead of contacts; basically looking like the living dead from the neck up. Worst thing when one has a fever: I also forgot deodorant. So I walk into my last class of the day, feeling like a deflating balloon, and what does my teacher have to say? "Jesus, Paige, I thought for a second that you were an 80 year old woman." Thats the way to boost a girl's spirits. At least now I know how to go buy beer and get into clubs.

Cat Scratch Fever

2007-10-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

Today rocked! You want to know why? Because it was a cloudy, rainy, dreary, chilly day--- and I absolutely loved it, every minute. Perhaps it reminds me of home, where the Spanish babies... CRY... (hehehe) No, seriously, I miss Houston with the intermittent rainy days throughout. I mentioned earlier that I'm starting to notice my issue with the perpetual weather here, and it's no more evident than in a day like today where I am giddy to have a day that is unlike the rest.

So I was happy, in that the day was gloomy. I wore baggy pajama pants to class (skull and crossbones on them, thank you very much), a too-small t-shirt that said 'boo!', and an at peace expression. Lovely, lovely, lovely. And I got to have a good class time in Literature because this time I actually understood just about every aspect of what we were talking about. Usually I half-ass papers and reading, but with Emma ... all was good... I'm much better at fiction than I am at poetry and essays, it took an Austen to remind me of that.

You know, it was even okay that Hurc, being the awesome and bestowing cat that he is, (see how I've become 'purblind' to his evil ways? ((yes that is the word of the day on dictionary.com) Scratched the crap out of my left hand, left skin hanging and blood dripping in his attempt to escape from me and my evil intent to apply his flea medicine. Cute, ain't he?

But, deplorably, my good day ended upon returning home just now, and realizing that tomorrow is--- Tuesday! NOO!!!!

So Saith

2007-10-14T22:20:00.001-07:00

The Mormon boys have disappointed me, as I'm sure they were expected to do. It can't just be that I'm too hard to please, I think it's something to do with how I grew up. My brothers and sister was so much older than me that I got used to hangin around the older peoples, even to the extent that most of my friends have been those of the more mature type. This is not an uncommon phenomenon- according to my psych text book, only children experience this disassociation with their peers, feeling unable to connect.

I cannot stress enough that Mormon males have been given the idea that they are exempt from reality. (It's a common religious misconception- similar to the holier-that-thou complex. I could see that any devout Christian could fall victim to this belief). Being 'exempt from reality' and in a comfort zone of an enabling community, the boys don't feel the need to turn inside. This is also something to be applied to small town living, and a lot of people find it a superior way of life, but I think it's just a mental block. Therefore they are either nerdy or preppy, giving them the 'forever stuck in high school' appearance. I think you can understand my disgust of this general attitude. (I think I've done enough psychological observation for one night on the male of the Mormon species)

Oh, and I'm at the wit's-end of Emma. Literally and figuratively.

Closeout sale

2007-10-11T14:09:00.000-07:00

Astronomy field trip today! wOOt!

But seriously, folks, I must say something concerning my overall sanity-- I think I'm turning Californian. Dun Dun Dunn!! I know, scary stuff. It's just that my theory of how people here can't complain about the weather, so they find other things to complain about, never applied to me or so I thought, because I tried to complain about the weather to keep me sane. Noooo --> I'm not saved from Californication. lol, maybe that's not the right word..

But seriously, I used to be so angry at people who did nothing but bad mouth the president (no matter who the president was) that I stayed out of politics to get away from that crowd, or the opposite crowd who is also annoying. Today though, I had to face the facts: I don't care about the weather anymore, I've gotten used to it! So does that mean I'll find something else to get into? Apparently so.

This is a fledgling thing, but I've noticed that I'm leaning towards Buddhism. At least advocating for it anyway. I had a conversation last night at class about Bush. She of course only had negative things to say about him, and I agree with most of it concerning the nasty business with an unnecessary war-- HOWEVER, out of the past presidents, how many of them have recognized the Dalai Lama? None. Bush is the first to invite him to the white house, and next week, he'll be the first to award the Dalai Lama with a medal for peace. Thereby spitting in China's face. I don't care if this is a political move or not, it's a good thing to do. So there. Paige has become slightly political. Are you happy now, temperate coast line??!!

Scoobie Doo meets the blank

2007-10-07T20:40:00.000-07:00

I have plans to buy the most awesome contacts ever, and I can't even decide which costume to center around them. No, I wont be a zombie, that's no fun. Maybe a ghoul? An alien? I half heartedly suggested the lady of the lake to some people but that didn't go over too well. They must have a prejudice against celtic folklore. :P

Luckily the contacts aren't set in stone. I have other options, like cat eye contacts, or fire ball contacts, or even icey contacts. Hell, I could do a 360 and go for black out contacts. Problem is, I can't even begin to imagine costumes to go with those. Maybe the devil with the fire contacts?? Too obvious??

Freakazoid

2007-10-06T16:51:00.000-07:00

Disney channel is going old school after midnight. They're playing Pinky and the Brain, Batman (the cartoon from like 1999), Gargoyles, The Tick; anything you can imagine! You bet I've been going down that memory lane, I used to love those cartoons. Now? Well, go figure, not as much. The animation is crappy, Batman isn't as hardcore as I remember, pinky and the brain isn't as funny, and The Tick... well I can't even remember why I liked that show. I guess you can't ever go home.

Mom comes home tonight. What I should be doing right now is homework, studying, reading of texts, maybe even getting through Emma. But no. I can't seem to WANT to do any of that, as if I ever wanted to. What do I want to do? Go get some Thai food with fun people and have a remarkably awesome time. le sigh. To Emma and the airport I go, as my mouth waters at the thought of Yellow Curry. Then Church tomorrow? Ugh, will this weekend EVER redeem itself??

Take me there

2007-10-04T17:15:00.000-07:00

Creative art: Is the piece more important that the creation of it?

Part of me wants to call up all those people I gave my paintings to so that I can ask them to take a picture of it and send it to me, just to give me an idea of what it looks like again. I surely can't remember, even though I remember the thought process behind the creation of it. Interesting that most artists I know remember both and have a very difficult time parting with their paintings, even for significant sums of money, while here I sit trying to remember what my paintings even look like! Having given them away for free, that makes me even more outcast.

Geeze, I'm even an outcast from the social outcasts!

Speaking of pieces of art, I had too much fun today on photobucket. No I don't make my own avatars, but I have a hobby of collecting them. Feel free to steal any, after all I stole them from others. :) I want to share the love. SPOILER WARNING: may contain avatars that tell the ending of Deathly Hallows. If you do not wish to spoil the end of HP, close your eyes through the first 2 pages of the album

Who's your Papa?

2007-10-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

Why is it all the sudden that every approaching end-of-week I get a pizza craving? Last week I gave in and ordered a small-original crust from Papa Johns. Being small, you woulda thunk I could have finished it in a millisecond but I ate the last piece yesterday, and today I want another pizza. Well I shant give in! I shant, I say!

Another strange urge of mine is to watch Rugrats. ?? Where this one came from, I'll never know. What I do know is that I have to go shopping some time today for some actual food, (like milk, cereal, flea parafinalia, cheese, applesauce, drinks-ect) but first and foremost I must study. SOMETHING. I've slackened my study pace as of late. What I really need to do is read EMMA from Jane Austen. Due in a week and a few days. Full novel. I'm only on page 24. *le sigh* Does anything ever get done around here??

Land Slide

2007-10-03T15:47:00.000-07:00

That's a street frikken 4 miles from my house. Who knows how it happened, they're working on it, evacuations are taking place, but so far no one's knocked on my door. There has been millions of helicopters and planes over my house though. Wahoo! Talk about happy early halloween for me!

Early to Rise

2007-10-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

How does my halloween layout measure up to the competition?

I don't know about you, but I LOVE it! My sister said it would be scary when she made it, but I didn't know just HOW scary and awesome. Spooky. Those eyes are like zombie. :P I love it!

Okay, now time for something even spookier. Those friends I stopped hanging out with earlier in the year? Well, I've stopped-stopped hanging out with them. Last night I got mexican with Val, today we're going to watch Harry Potter, Friday we're all going to Lestat's (cool name for a coffee shop huh? ;)) anyway, it appears we're back in business. Only this time I feel like I've learned a bit more about friendship, with the whole michelle ordeal, understanding that you're supposed to want to be yourself around friends rather than be who you think they want you to be. Yeah, that'll help a lot I think. Plus Emo-Joe isn't with them anymore, so I still don't have to worry about him. *phew!*

Boo! ;)

Gotta get smart

2007-09-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

Last night I tried to watch Bridges of Madison County. Yeah, yeah; call me a sappy romantic, that's fine. I know what I am :)

No, actually I get more emotional from watching Air Force One than a naked Meryl Streep. I couldn't watch the whole thing, I had to stop it like 15 minutes from the end. I hate it when movies tell you the end at the beginning. At least with Air Force One, when I stop the movie it's not because I'm annoyed- it's because I get emotional and the rest of the movie doesn't matter. You know how much I like Gary Oldman, he's practically the only reason to watch the movie.

Enough movie chat, I have a mormon guy that I'm hitting it off with.
-end communication-

Grow up

2007-09-29T13:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was walking Sir Itchy around the block, and we came upon a beautiful German Sheppard and her handy-man owner.

Actually, he came upon us. He asked if Daisy (the German Sheppard) could play with Ernie. Sure, why not?

This was a very strange man. He was clearly gay, and might have been on drugs at one time, but he was friendly and chatty beyond belief. While we watched Ernie and Daisy playing/chasing each other, the first question out of his mouth was "What do you want to do when you grow up?" I told him I want to be a writer, and that broke the proverbial ice, especially when I said fantasy/romance writer. He had an idea for a book, free of charge: a coming-of-age with dragons. The dragons are the ones coming of age. Teehee! (click on the image)

What he wants to be when he grows up? Leonardo da Vinci

Sir Itchy

2007-09-28T14:20:00.000-07:00

Ernie has been going nuts lately, scratching like a mad dog! In the process, he has driven me insane as well. At first it was kind of cute that every time I walked by he would sit up on his hind legs to get my to scratch his chest and belly, but cute it is no more. I gave him a bath two days ago! That should have eased his itching, at least slightly, but NO

Just now, as I was writing my paper on Lord Byron, his itching drove me to my pique of insanity so I took him back into the kitchen for a SUPER bath. (as much tea tree shampoo and conditioner as he could handle) hopefully the madness ends here.

Lyrical Latin

2007-09-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

Once again, the clock tells me I'm hungry before my stomach. The other day, my habitual unintended anorexia got so bad that it was 4:00 in the afternoon, and I wondered why my stomach was attempting to digest my ribcage. How can someone forget to eat?? That's messed up. And I love food!

Turns out I don't need a canvas, I found one in the closet. Now I just need to decide what to paint. People have been bugging me lately, because upon meeting me and asking my hobbies, I list painting, and they want to see stuff I've done. Problem is I don't really keep my works of art. If someone likes them enough, I give them away, or I throw them away when I move. Now I'm regretting that, so I plan to do more painting. Hopefully. (unlikely, not unless its on a miniature scale)

Wild One

2007-09-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

The parents are out of town, and what do I do to celebrate? Watch the director's commentary on Air Force One till two in the morning on a school night while eating Riesens. Partay at my house!

I also watched half of Rocky Horror Picture Show, which inspired me to change my profile on the LDS singles website: I want a FOMO (I didn't put that exactly, but I hope it was evident in the context clues) who likes Rocky Horror. Is that too much to ask?!? Probably.

indicative

2007-09-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to hate people and want to strangle them?? Hypothetically speaking, of course.

There's a dumbass in my psych class that has no concept of human nature outside of his own head. Today he displayed that swimmingly when he could not shut up about how he's never been shy a day in his life and he can't understand why anyone is. Seriously?? How can someone be that blind to different people? I guess since he can't shut up he never gets to hear what anyone else has to say.

What I realized from watching him and the other girl who never shuts up was that people who profess to be the most 'outgoing' and extrovert are the most selfish and blind to others. She said plainly that she can't stand to be alone. Well thats not because she wants to be around other people, its because she wants other people to be around her. I wonder if she'll ever see that about herself.

As for my part, I tried to explain to them that everyone is wired differently, and you can't always pinpoint the trigger of anxiety, etc. They still claimed not to understand, especially the male specimen. (I swear, sometimes my views of the world as a zoo, to be observed and studied, isn't all that crazy)

With Love,
Paige

Lexispablo's

2007-09-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

When I signed onto this LDS dating website I wondered if my brother Chris was on there as well, and what I laughed about was if they'd try to 'match us up' ((because they want to be e-harmony, except they suck at matching. I'm 100% matched with like 300 guys))

NEWAY-- I DID get matched up with Chris. Apparently he and I are 100% perfect for each other. Personally I never thought the LDS church looked favorably on that kind of relationship; GO figure. And his screen name includes the name of our niece, I wonder who suggested it to him.... *cough cough*

I've sent him a 'smile' but it doesn't look like he gets on very much. Tee hee, funny LDS websites.

Favoritism

2007-09-17T15:58:00.000-07:00

The comic doesn't have anything to do with my blog... it's just funny...

Anywho, I've been playing the favoritism card with my pets. My cat and dog are insane with hatred, and so I've started to play them off one another. For instance, if my cat comes up to the glass door and starts to taunt my dog, then the dog runs over there and starts barking, I get mad a at the dog and lock him away. Then I let Hurcules in to roam as he pleases unless he starts pestering the dog, then he gets put outside again, the dog gets let out, and the cycle starts over again.

Wait a minute... I'm not playing them, they're playing me! >_< Jerks.

Ode to the Flea

2007-09-13T17:31:00.000-07:00

Flea, Flea
On Hurc's proud pelt
If you continue to bite
I will scream, and you will melt

iSpirit

2007-09-11T17:21:00.000-07:00

Lately I've done a lot of thinking about who I REALLY want, what kind of relationship that would suit me, rather than just reaching blindly for whoever. The reaching blindly, big surprise, hasn't gotten me very far. What if I have an ideal in mind, and wont settle for anything else?

My thoughts of course are on the momentum of the relationship. Looking back on failed relationships, and at why I've rejected people, I've realized that I only want someone who can be my friend first. That way, if I can comfortably get to know a guy, then it wont be so easy to discard them when/if we start dating and they do something stupid. It's hard to tolerate stupid when you have no reason to, especially for me who has a hard time letting people get close to me.

Anyway, one possibility is to go back to church. I say back, because I go now, but it's my day dream time, I'm not really present there. Something happened today that really made me think that maybe I discarded the singles ward too easily, or LDS boys in general. Not that I want to marry a returned missionary, and have a million babies: but I've been raised too Mormon to go the exact opposite. The happy medium would be to meet a guy who was raised like me, and maybe wants to go to church every once and a while, but isn't hardcore. I remember my sister giving me similar advice, and I'd like to put it into practice.

So--> Singles Ward??

Yogurt

2007-09-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

The Everlasting Know-it-all!

Hehe, actually I'm more talking about yoga. It wasnt for me up until now, I never could quiet my mind enough to find the poses, but for some reason -now that I have more on my mind then ever- I want to do yoga. It really does a lot to solve your problems, and to straighten your posture. (I need both)

But I didn't plan today well enough, so now I'm in a rush to write on my blogs, then take a shower, so that I can get my parking sticker in time to make it to class. Whoo! Even yoga can't help me now!

Emergency Break

2007-09-09T18:11:00.000-07:00

Jason has been dropped like bad meat. That didn't last nearly as long as I thought. Maybe it was the fact that he's an inch shorter than me and weighs less, maybe it was the text messages talking about 'lovin'-- I don't know, I'm not a doctor. What I do know was that I jumped off that bridge way too fast, especially when I did it thinking, "eh, I GUESS we'll start dateing, but I'm not going to stop eating chocolate! he can't take that away from me!" So I have learned from my mistake, and now will take my own target advice and take it sloooooow.

Or atleast I'll try. :)

On a more positive note, I have made a plan for the next year:

1. Get a job
2. Make A's this semester/finish out the semester
3. With above stated paychecks, set aside money to get a whopping tattoo on my 21st birthday
4. By next January, have Physical Therapy Tech training done with so I can actually get a GOOD job that pays well (for a single girl in her early twenties)

And I'm sticking to it! I've also been thinking about getting a little tattoo on my wrist to remind me of my plans, but that's if-y at best.

Study like a Rockstar

2007-09-04T13:11:00.001-07:00

One might wonder why I have to buy a Rockstar energy drink in the middle of a tuesday. I'll tell you, and it really has nothing to do with studying. Except that I need to study.

No, what it is has to do with a guy I met in the computer lab today. His name is Jason, and ... well, you know that feeling you get when you're about to start dateing someone? I've got that feeling. I've only had it twice before and it was right before I started my past two relationships. So I think Jason and I are going to hit it off. What does this have to do with Rockstar drinks? He's a health nut and a kick boxer/tennis player, so I imagine that I wont be drinking any more really-bad-for-you energy drinks for a while. Just in case, I wanted one more to savor.

Wish me luck with Jason! I know I'm crossing my fingers!

Found the Reason

2007-09-02T22:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I hear about authors struggling to write books, and others who wrote on a schedule, I try to not listen to them because I know that when it come's to creativity and writing, you want to find your own style. The past year or so, though, I've been trying to discipline my writing, saying things like "I have to write X-amount of pages before the week is out" but I've come to realize that it dosen't work. It makes you too uniform, it cuts the fun out of being creative because you're trying too hard to force it. I'm glad now to know that I took the fun out of writing, because for a minute there I was worried that I was losing the will to create stories and characters. Nope, it might work for some people (I don't think it really does for anyone) but I enjoy WANTING to write everyday rather than forcing it.

See, the reason I don't think it works as well as 'tis reported is because I read that the writer of the Golden Compass made himself write three pages a day until the book was finished. At first I thought that sounded very efficient and self-disciplined, but then I read his other two books, and you can see the effort behind them, which makes them awkward and unpleasant. Cause -> Effect: You aren't happy writing something -> no one is happy to read it. I think that'll be my new motivational quote.

As you might can tell, I've found a story that I can't wait to write in every day. I think it has to do with the fact that it was inspired by a dream, therefore making it edgy and unpredictable (within reason). Thank you Mr. Sandman!

New Writer on the Block

2007-09-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

Last night I took advantage of my birthday to order Pizza, drink coke, and watch my birthday present: Merlin. (the one with Sam Neil and friends) but other than that I did my birthday celebrating today with going to the Dead Sea Scrolls at the museum, eating a nice lunch, getting a slice of decadent chocolate cake, and then shopping at Macy's for panties. Well you didn't really have to know about that last part, but it happened, so there.

What I did do yesterday that must be documented was the leg work of a new writer attempting to publish a short story. I went on every website and e-zine I could get my hands on and submitted my story to their little publishing contests. We'll see where that goes, I personally think my story was better then the previous winners so either I'm delusional or have a good chance if I followed the rules like I think I did. Lucky for me, there's about a billion more websites and Ezines that I didn't go on, so I have lots more chances. wOOt!

Happy Labor Day Weekend!

Dos Decades

2007-08-31T11:14:00.000-07:00

That wasn't me two decades ago, but you get the point: I'm 20 now. :) Do I feel any different? Do I miss being a teenager? I can't tell yet, ask me in a year.

Our House in the middle of the off season

2007-08-30T15:43:00.000-07:00

Remember all those hopes I had for this semester? The ones that seemed really far fetched and included good classes and people to makae nice with? (ignoring the really out there ones... for now) It seems that I haven't done too bad for myself after all. Granted, I made stupid with getting the wrong math class and now I'll have to wait till next srping to officially 'graduate' but I was going to stay on another semester at least anyway so there's no losses here. And all the classes I still have (looking for one more really quickly before the deadline) are really awesome, my teachers all rock. And who knew that Astronomy would be so interesting? I love it. So far. ;) LOL

And the nice people? Well I would say that in just about every class I've at least found someone to talk to. Since it's only he first week, we'll see if anything stems.

I can't wait for the next season of House! I've been watching reruns all flippin summer, of every show. All I watch is Family Guy, Futurama, House, and Eureka. Only Eureka has new episodes out. I need my new episodes!! (not so excited about Scrubs coming back, I got mad at JD at the end of last season for contemplating cheating on his pregnant girlfriend with his engaged friend). Ooops, was I supposed to warn for spoilers? O_O

P.S. They've been making fun of me for coming from Texas, but they don't know how awesome it really is there. I think it's so funny how Texans make fun of Californians and Californians make fun of Texans-- both of which are for the most part correct about eachother. The really funny part is that I tell Californians to shut up about Texas, but Texas jokes about Calif are funny to me. :) I must be Texan through and through.

Redeemable Coupons

2007-08-28T16:13:00.000-07:00

While I do like all my classes (so far I've only been to two; the third one the teacher never showed up), I stand by my former statement: Run for your lives! It seems that even if my Psych and Math class don't give much homework, unlikely, then I'll still have my hands full with English Lit and Astronomy. Who know what the astronomy lab is going to be like! I have a mind to join the lab that goes on camping trips every weekend to atleast force myself away from my books every now and again. And, I just might do that.

Time only flies when you're having fun, so you can imagine that the past two days have felt like an eternity. The problem isn't the classes or the students, or even the busy campus. The problem is the going to/coming home from school. There's construction all over the parking lot, and plus the first few weeks are allways bad due to the fact that it takes a week or two to weed out the kids who are going to drop courses anyway. So "le sigh" I just have to plan to leave an hour early for a class that I could normally get to within 20 mins. You can bet I'm complaining, especially about my Psych teacher that never showed up today.

I promise this isn't as bad as it sounds, I just needed to vent a little so I could continue my day as sanely as possible.

Run for your lives!

2007-08-27T00:21:00.000-07:00

School starts tomorrow!!

Lie Low

2007-08-26T16:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday mom and I went on a day-long bus tour of San Diego. Mostly it was a flop, the tour guides were unenthoused teens, who didn't talk much, and the buses were either too late or too early for pick-up/drop-off schedules. Next time we want to have a $27 ride to our favorite shopping destinations, we'll go with the Trolley. They're prompt and friendly atleast. But we did buy some Croc flops. wOOt.

Now onto the deeper churchy paragraph:

At church the lesson was about divorce. It was done well, it didn't say you were evil for getting divorced, but personally I thought they put too much emphasis on "exceptions vs. excuses". Anyway, that's not what prompted a blog. What I realized, thinking about all the mormon couples I know that are divorced, or *cough* should consider it, is that while divorce is frowned upon, one is pushed so hard to marry and produce offspring that there's no time to really evaluate your partner. Yeah... that's condusive to a good relationship. Amost especially because you're not allowed to do anything with your sig other except for marrying them. That just doesn't sit right with me. If I told Ernie not to pee on the carpet, and then proceeded to pour water down his throat without letting him outside-- that stained carpet's on me, not poor Ernie.

Enough analogy, I have dinner to prepare!

Hope a la mode

2007-08-24T15:41:00.000-07:00

I wish I could say my hopes for the upcoming school year were high. They aren't.

The only class I'm looking forwarad to is Psych: Interpersonal Relationships. It should be very interesting, and I can't wait to get the text book and flip through it. That's that inner nerd everyone has that comes out at random times, mine just happens to like Psych. This is the sign that I'm destined for psych more than english, because I'm taking both a literature class and a psych class, but I am dreading that damn literature class. It's actually the reason I'm dreading the upcoming semester: last semester I took Brit Lit first semester, and I thought my teacher took things too personally, and gave ridiculous essay topics. I fear that I have him again, and that mister stinky hippy from so many months ago will be joining me in brit lit 2. :( woe is me!

Otherwise I can't say much. Hopefully I can find some actual friends that I wont get weirded out by and have to ditch. Maybe I'll even find that perfect job in a quaint little book store. Hey, and maybe my car will magically start! And maybe I'll find a box full of disease free kittens! Then I'll meet a Gaspard Ulliel look-a-like and have gorgeous babies with him!

Heh

House Arrest

2007-08-23T16:55:00.000-07:00

Poor Ernie is under house arrest. It's supposed to last two weeks, and he's on a week and a half. But I have been bad, and have taken him on one short and one medium walk in the past few days. Shhh, dont tell! :) See, he's not in pain anymore, even not taking his pain pills, and he seems back to his normal self. Except that he is going INSANE with cabin fever. He's used to atleast one 2 mile walk and two more subsequent short walks. Without that he's a bucket of crazy, and driving me insane with him. The walks were to shut him up, and it didn't work.

The B-day is coming. I got my first card for it today (not counting michelles! it has been trashed anyway!) And I am expecting that my mom will buy me Zelda. Then I will go to a dinner theater event on saturday night, sep 1st. wOOt. It's good, it's very good, i'm excited. The problem, though, is that last year around this time, I was in Singapore for my birthday and school was starting a week later. I can't help thinking that if school started sep 5 instead of aug 27th, then I'd be in England right now instead of pissing and moaning about my upcoming semester. :( boo

Besides that, I'm not too comfortable turning 20 anyway. My habits are becoming beneath my age fast. Gaming for example. The only thing I want for my twentieth birthday is Zelda: Twilight Princess? Hmmm. I know these days people game into their 30's and 40's, but I never expected that I would be on my way there. Le sigh. I think whats really bothering me is that the things I used to do, the things that made me precocious like writing and reading, now just makes me a young librarian type who spends too much time fussing over the written word. Now that it doesn't make me special anymore, I am working even harder on my books so atleast they can make me money. I'm betting on the romance novel being published first-- just a hunch.

Signed

2007-08-22T19:26:00.000-07:00

Apparently I'm not as original as I thought. A couple days ago I read the book Twilight, and when I read the description of the hot vampire in there I immediately pictured Gaspard Ulliel, hence the past few days obsessing over him just because of a silly little vampire love story. Well, I figured that I was ultimately strange and out there to say a french hottie would be an american highschool vampire, but I was wrong.

Here's the link if it doesn't work in the picture: http://gaspardulliel.net/twilight/

If you want to make me a happy Paige, Gaspard Ulliel playing Edward Cullen could help, and signing the petition could make it happen ;) If you need more proof that Gaspard is awesome, here's some examples...

Weird Science

2007-08-22T18:34:00.000-07:00

How strange that playing mystery puzzles online put me into a creative mood. What is especially strange is that the reason I need to play the mystery games is because on Monday I had a very good writing day. Despite what you may have heard, one good writing day does not lead to another, it stints you for a while, unless you learn to beat it. Which I have thanks to a little website I like to call Big Fish Games.com. They make the best 'who-done-it' puzzles, unfortunately now that I've downloaded the demos to all the great games, I can't play them anymore unless I pay 20 dollars. Pshhh. Not worth it.

Well, I can't attribute creativity JUST to mystery games, good music helps a lot too. Right now that music is Marketa "The Hill." Wow that song... it's so sad but so pretty.

Oh no! Less than a week till the fall semester starts up again!!!

Self Ouch

2007-08-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

Something happened today that couldn't have happened if I weren't living at home: I went to work with Mom. LOL yeah, I know, who wouldn'a thought Paige to want to go to an old folks home as opposed to a Hospice? There is a difference, the old folks home is more like a hospital with mucho hustle and bustle ect., especailly with trying to keep their patients alive. Well, mom has been having a really hard time of getting the hang of it, or so she told me. What I realized today had nothing to do with mom being too slow on the uptake, she just has too much crap to do. I did half of her work and we still had to stay behind over and hour. Seriously, lots of work, mostly just poorly organized papers and people who wouldn't do their own work. Poor mom, the only reason she's in this kind of work is because she loves being around people and helping them. Being the boss here means she is stuck never seeing any of her patients. I don't think her new job will have a happy ending.

Last night I read out of my really, really, really old (nearly prehistoric) journal from middle school-early highschool. I've avoided reading it for a long time, what with having millions of blogs and online journals to busy that time of my day, so I was able to tell myself that I had a very sophisticated writing style in those days, or that atleast my journal would be an interesting read. BORING. and stupid. It scares me to think that in 5 years, I'll come back and read this post only to scoff at my past self. Sometimes I am too critical on my writing I think. What's so wrong with having been bad, knowing it only means I'm better now? Yeah, but still... stupid

At mom's work there was this LVN guy who was a very different kind of person than I'm used to meeting. If it takes a special old woman to take care of dying patients, it takes a VERY special 25 year old skateboarder feed gerriatrics their meds and help feed them, be gentle with them in general. He's so nice to them, and sensitive, I kept waiting for the ball to drop. Hard to believe he is sincere, I've not met a guy like that... ever... lol. Sure he was attractive, but the only thing I could think about when looking at him was "I would go insane with that kind of sensitivity." Okay so i have met guys that sensitive, just not ones that look dress, and act like him. He reminds me of the annoying one on GHOST HUNTERS.

I'm off to YouTube to watch Gaspard Ulliel videos. One is supposed to be posting here, but I think it got lost.

what the dean?

2007-08-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

So a week after I leave Houston, a hurricane is due to hit my home town. Fantastic. It seems that hurricane season isn't dead this year after all. Well, actually, I read on yahoo that it's just the spin off from Dean scheduled to hit, so it can't be bad. Right?? Right?? Stay safe, ya'll.

I have exactly one week left till school starts up again. Part of me is excited to get back ino the swing of things, that much closer to getting into actual classes that I want to take instead of need to take, but the other half of me is lamenting the sudden loss of summer vacation. It seemed to pass by too quickly.

Colby Jack

2007-08-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

Something about Houston changed me. There was a time when "cooking" was as undesirable of a verb as "dry-shaving" or "bathing of old people." Not now, now I am craving feel of a well prepared meal, when the microwave was only used to melt the butter. Some of the blame I think lies with Lisa. I had too much fun cooking sushi with her, it was inevitable that I would be forever tainted by that experience! Not to mention how good homemade pizza tasted, even with broccoli on it.

The menu for tonight, if I play my cards right, might be scones dripping with honey butter, and calzones gushing with cheese. WOW is that just me or does that sound downright delicious??

Ernie is doing just fine, btw. Except that I am stuck at home most of the day making sure he doesn't become paralyzed with one false move. The upside of that is I finally am writing my romance novel again. It has been months, and you know what they say about absence. I can't talk bad about my writing when I read what I've got down so far in that sucker. wOOt! xena yell! ;)

Trauma-Mama

2007-08-16T16:00:00.000-07:00

With my mom working late and me still used to an action packed Houston where I was constantly surrounded by people, it was no wonder I started to get a bit paranoid and lonely yesterday and tonight. Oh, and not to mention the fact that I finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Dang.

Turns out, though, I wasn't being paranoid at all: Ernie really was in pain. The vet said that he has a shifted disk in his neck, very painful and sensitive stuff. Right now he's ok all hopped up on Tramadol and steroids, but he's not happy like you'd think, because his 'most important perscription' is his confinment in a bath room so that he doesn't agitate his neck any further. OH BOY does he hate me right now, me being his prison gaurd.

I tried to go in there and keep him company but he still just sits with his nose in the door whining. Poor puppy. About the only thing going his way is that the steroids make him pee a lot, which is the only time he is allowed to go outside.

On a lighter note, who better to critique a strange movie than moi? So far, 20 mins into the Fountain with Rachel Weiz and Hugh Jackman, the only comment I have is that Hugh looks good with massive amounts of hair on his head. Refer to X-men, then compare with The Prestige. My more forced comment is.... WTF MATE? Seriously, this movie is W-E-I-R-D

The Rooster has Landed

2007-08-15T09:52:00.000-07:00

Don't ask why I'm suddenly a rooster because I surely don't know. It was between a rooster and a hummingbird.

But yes, I have landed and landed well. No misshaps or fallen commrades. In fact, as far as airplane and airport trips go, not a lot of interesting things happened. I got to hobby early, found it to be an extremely nice airport (a lot nicer than Bush or San Diego airport I can tell you that. Go figure, I'm as shocked as you) and read HP 7 till I got on the flight to Las Vegas. But they did call out a FIRE TRUCK lol did that grab your attention? It may have, except it was only a send off to the pilot because he's retitiring. Not as cool and exciting as a firey situation.

Two other things I noticed strange about my trip yesterday: Southwest airlines has an open seating policy. All that responsibility and freedom of choosing my own seat was too much for me. I nearly fainted. ;) Second thing, there was a drunk guy on my flight from Las Vegas to San Diego. His wife kept trying to corral him in, but it didn't work. Anyway, he was annoying, but the funny thing was that he had a shirt on with a picture of four panda bears. It took me a second of staring at them, wondering why a grown man would wear something so close to a carebear t-shirt, to realize that the black around their eyes had been made to look like KISS makeup. Woo! Trippy!

Yeah... I know, I tried to tell you that nothing eventfull took place.

I'll tell you something about this morning though, something super eventfull and emotionally taxing: My car wont start. It's not even the sputtering "almost-comes-on-and-you-wait-15-minutes-and-try-again" kind of not turning on. It's the "makes a funny noise, weakly sputters, and then kaput!" kind of not turns on. I tried a few more times but nothing happened except the radio turned on. I blame it on the fact that it hasn't been driven in atleast 3 weeks and has been parked out in the hot sun that whole time.

That kills my plans for the day :(

Memories wont erase

2007-08-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

Lucky for me Lisa has a non-phone camera where she can upload from her camera to the computer, so now these silly pictures of us will be forever ingrained onto our lives. Yay! Good job not uploading the bra one... *eh-hem* ;)

Let's go Outback tonight! woohoo! It's gonna be fun and sad tonight and tomorrow morning because I'll be spending time with awesome people but only because I wont see them until December. Tis truly bitter-sweet. Thank Hecate for the Internet!

Texas Time

2007-08-12T13:58:00.001-07:00

This is me and the Lexi Lou this morning before church. She takes good pictures doesn't she? There was no doubt who the cutest member of our group was, hands down Lexi won with those pigtails. At church she performed for everyone which wasn't allways appropriate. I'm surprised though that she was the only toddler in the building acting up. Maybe all the other toddlers parents let them act up inside the chapel.

How can I leave that face behind?? :)

Initials

2007-08-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

I promised myself I would forget about this dream but I just can't. Last night I had a dream about the aftermath of the fight between me and michelle in which we had more 'open communication' and we were trying to work on that. I'm not going into any details but it ends up that she treated me like a child and I got pissed off at her for it. Now I feel completely stupid because it opened up this glowing gateway into my subconscious telling me what really pissed me off about Michelle. Come on! I've allways said she was over planning, too motherly, and never gave me a say. D'uh!!

But hold your horses, I do understand a little why I never made the connection between her being motherly and her treating me like a child. One, my mom never treated me like that. She probably treated me more to the other wing of the argument, and treated me too much like an adult. Two, it took me a year away from her with other friends to figure out that friends dont treat eachother like that. Nothing against Lisa or my other friends there, it doesn't have to do with them, it has to do with her being my 'bestfriend' or so she kept telling me.

Anyway, that's better off my chest. Now I want to talk a little about church. ((lol, what's the one thing to say to make everything uncomfortable?))

Church. When I was really young I went because people told me to, they gave treats and I had friends there. When I was a young woman I complained about it endlessly but went anyway because I liked the attention and again I was told to. Then, when I got a car, I started skipping church and seminary and just about everything I could get away with. It's not so much that I am at war with religion, because I think religion helps people who need that kind of structure and support. Personally I don't, and personally when I imagine what it would be like to go and marry a mormon I feel dirty and brainwashed. So there it is. I never planned to be a mormon, but I also never planned to be a non-mormon... That's just the way I'm turning out...

Ultra Tote

2007-08-11T12:10:00.000-07:00

I was going to write about this in my last post but I forgot to:

This trip has been full of twists and turns. It's surprising to note, however, that it has been one of my best summer vacation trips ever. I think it's because I've been going out of my way to relax and chillax. That's where the twists and turns have come into play.

It's no secret to anyone that knows Michelle that she overplans to a fault. A big fault. This has driven many of her friends away, and she's really not left with many now that she's gotten a lot worse. I remember thinking that when I left Texas last summer, even: Wondering if Michelle would Wizen Up (tee hee) and chillax a little so she could keep some people around. I was wrong, she intensified even more. As soon as I told her the dates I'd be in Texas, the first thing she said was "Ok, well I work till the 2nd so you can come spend the night that night. And then on the 11th I move into the apartment in Huntsville so you can sleep there too. O wait I have to work on Mon and Tues, so I'm sure Lisa wont mind if you go stay with her a few days.."

Geeze, take a breath and ask what I want to do on MY vacation, will ya?

But nope, it was all about what she was doing and how she could fit me into it. Now you know why I told her off and never went back. Nor listen to her voicemail. It's nice to just leave it behind. . .

(The other turn is that Mark ((the guy i had my first ever real live date/crush/kiss and who has since been put on a pedistal in my mind)) turned out to be a loser jerk man who has nothing better to do than try and hit on girls who are either too young or have too low self esteem to know what's going on. I'm glad that pedistal was beaten down with a war hammer, because I've been wondering lately if my self esteem is a lot lower than it used to be, but I think what I confused for low self esteem was a better over all awareness)

There's two past issues left behind and I feel so much better now that I'm free of them.

bread pudding

2007-08-11T11:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't even finished up with this trip and already I have prospects for a new one.

Today I got a call from my mom that my step granny is back in the hospital and it doesn't look good. She's been going blind for years now, and recently she's had a lot of pain in her lower abdomen which was attributed to a kidney stone that she supposedly passed. Maybe it is gone, I don't know, but she hasn't eaten in a week and the doctor is giving her only a few more days left. Besides that she has mild parkinsons, which wont have a chance to kill her if she's dies here. That's looking on the bright side if you cant tell.

Now looking on the not bright side: Malcolm is going on tuesday, and he wants me to go with him. It's nigh impossible for me, not because I don't want to go but because his mom lives in England and I would have to leave from Houston so that me and Malcolm could meet up in the London airport within relatively the same time phrame so that he doesn't have to either wait for me or go see his mom then come back and get me. I don't have my passport in Houston, so that plan is out.

I hate to make him go by himself, he seems to really want family to come with him and I understand that. If my mom could go then we could head out maybe wednesday or thursday with both of our passports and then possibly it could work better.

Ack, I dunno, it stinks no matter how you work it.

red dawn

2007-08-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

My flight was great, Lexi was adorable, and the driving wasn't bad at all comparatively.

The brick hit the windshield (watch meet the Fockers) when we got to Katy and the air conditioning wasn't turned on. Not fun, but not bad either since we got a nice hotel room and a break from the boxes and big truck.

Lexi is just too cute with her blathering and expressions. I took enough pictures of her on my phone to show off to all my friends in Houston, as well as some pictures of Ernie and Hurc. I've also been taking pictures of my buddies here like Lisa and Michelle. Even though I don't know how to transfer pictures and I'll probably lose them once I get a new phone, It'll be nice to almost preserve these memories.

Home made sushi is so far the best sushi I've ever had. Lisa and I and Jeff all pitched in to make chicken and veggie sushi, it was so so so so good. Yumm Yumm. Now I think we're going to go hot tubbing wOOt :)

I don't think I'll be Huntsvilling it up for as long as I thought I would, I'm getting kind of sick of hanging out with Michelle, and would miss hanging out with my fam.

wisdom? i dont think so

2007-07-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

Wisdom Teeth out Right now!!!! Wish me luck!

heard it in a love song

2007-07-03T23:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, I am pissed off.

This is a new expirience for me. I've been pissed off before, but not at a guy that I hadn't seen in 4 years. The worst part is that I'm pissed for a silly reason, but saying that doesn't make me any less pissed off. See, me and mark have been messaging back and forth on facebook for weeks since he first found me on myspace. He's the one that is in Houston and that I'm kinda dating. As childishly enthousiastic as it's been, the messages have been several per day, even when he's at work he'll keep checking facebook to see if I messaged him, and same with me. It's crazy and I guess I never thought it could be any other way??? I don't know, what I do know is that he has only half heartedly messaged me today, and when he got home from work it was a quick message about nothing. And I got pissed off.

I understand that he can't allways get online at work, and that people have their 'off days'. Atleast I think I understand that, except that I'm still pissed that he's distant today. What- did I do something to make him back off? Did he meet a girl that he's talking to? Is he trying to play games? I don't know, and it is half killing me, and I'm half beating my head on the desk for feeling like I care so much.

What I think it is has to do with my last few 'boyfriends'. They were my puppet, I admit that now with a twinge of guilt, and I'm on my best behavior now, and trying to find a guy who wont let me controle them. That's what mark is, I guess, because instead of me playing games with his head to piss him off and frustrate him, he is seemingly doing that to me. So what pisses me off so much, maybe, is that I've been trying my hardest not to be like that, holding off on my bitchy instincts, so I don't feel like I deserve this?? Does that make a litre of sense?

Chemistry.com (i took their free personality profile test for kicks) told me that with my personality, I respond to set backs with too much enthousiasm and tend to freak out on bad days thinking it's the end of the relationship. Should I trust a dating website? Probably. But am I still pissed? Yes.

Currently listening to: Jimmy Eat World "Your House"

*update*
and... the anger melts away...

It was so instant I'm surprised there wasn't some catastrophic event. All that happened was that Mark, just when I thought he couldn't be stupider, sent me a message that redeemed him. And suddenly I feel light and fluffy. If you could explain to me what goes on between guys and girls, I'd much appreciate it.